New Soul

14/7/2011

2011-07-14T02:48:00.001-07:00

OH LUCK~~~~~ please come to my side PLEASE~~~~~~~

I WANT IT~~~~ I NEED IT SO MUCH~~~~~

is law of attraction true? alright i will try. **attract~ attract~~

oh, on the other hand...

COUNTDOWN : 3 days left ;)

4/7/2011

2011-07-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

I m gonna be the first person to wish myself HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ officially EIGHTEEN now!!

what does it means? 18?
- I am no longer a kid (although i might look like one ==)
- I can watch any movies labelled 18xx
- I can join the talent shows on TV (lol)
- I can go to pub (ha!)
- I can sign for myself (no need parents to sign XD)
- I can ......

but that means responsibility came to me too :/ huh have to take care of myself in the future.

anyway, thanks to friends who are willing to celebrate this birthday with me. i appreciate it alot. sorry for putting aeroplane :p

#Just own the night like the fourth of July~~ [thanks katy perry :)]

p/s: Saengil chukka to Doojoon as well XD it is cool to have the same birthdate with him.

1/7/2011

2011-07-01T06:38:00.000-07:00

Beast is in Malaysia now!!! their showcase live in Malaysia!! Sunway Lagoon!! and i cant go~~ T^T i am trying my best to 'imagine' that i was there. haha i think i am crazy enough. next time i am going to attend their concert for r.e.a.l. just wait and see XD

Its my sister's birthday today. Happy sweet sixteenth :D i love her~ although she might not noticed and not believing in it. i still love her :)

22/6/2011

2011-06-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

Facebook application "Message from God" is just so cool. and erm...accurate sometimes XD

See what He said yesterday:
On this day, God wants you to know..that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

alright, so when will my first irreversible step lands? I sincerely dont know lo. I am keeping on turning back and turning back T^T

20/6/2011

2011-06-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

I really like "code blue", a japanese series. it is very very very very nice, and inspires me sometimes.

yesterday, the drama says:
每个人都无法摆脱自己的过去。过去是自己曾经活过的证明。

my past, my memories, will stick to me forever. it shows how i lived, how i changed, how i grow.i do not want to, and never can forget them. they will never disappear. someday, somewhere, they will jump out to me and smile at me, carving a smile on my face too.

life is changing everyday, people came and leave. but whatever that we had been through, should be kept in our mind and soul. those things made who we are today.

16/6/2011

2011-06-16T06:46:00.000-07:00

突然有点感慨。

努力地拼搏了五年多，从什么都不懂、像个颠婆酱的小鬼，到现在这个虽然还是很幼稚，但已懂得独立思考、策划的人；从一个惹人讨厌、几乎什么缺点都沾上边的家伙，到现在这个虽然还是很糟糕，但至少还能和别人有良好沟通的人。SJ真的改变了我很多，也给了我许多意想不到的收获.它在我的心中烙下很深的痕迹，希望我也在它心中留下脚印。

呵，听起来有点像老人家在缅怀往事。

世界唯一不变的定律就是变。世界在变，人也要变。改变=进步。变好/变坏了？其实没有答案。人又不是四四方方一块板，也不是数学题，只有一个解答。只要不伤害别人，不违反自然定律，其实各种各样的人，都是能和睦相处的。

啊，说得太远了。回来。

我就要去读书了（说来说去，还要等整个月==)离开了就不知道几时才能回来。我不想走 我一直都是这么认为的。可是原来，时间到了，你就会知道，我该走了。离开前的几个月，做到好像牛那样，却少了以前那份热情和执着。哈，原来我真的老了呢。也不知道有没有人看见。不过算了，还小咩？

这个星期六，我想去。想看看，从我们手上接棒的她们，把棒子交下去。任务完成了，我要对自己这么说。至于谁接哪根棒，倒没什么在意。

*我只想漂亮地转个身，离开。

15/6/2011

2011-06-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

i slept for the whole day today. alright i am a pig @@ i just feel very tired, very empty. i have nothing to do. and i think a lot. i had a conversation with myself. i found that i was trying to hide the truth from myself. i was angry. i should be honest towards myself from the beginning.

many things are being misunderstood. did i make myself not clear? am i expressing the wrong thing? alah. i kept on thinking about stupid things now.

*dont ever say that u dont want to disappoint me anymore. the way u talk and think like this disappoints me a lot.

13/6/2011

2011-06-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Just ended one of the most amazing journey yesterday. the best thing ever finally came to us. congratz to the girls ^^ the trophy is so damn nice!!

i felt that i m almost at the end of my sj road. after i go for my studies, i will be partially disconnected with everything here. my heart is heavy, but at the same time i feel free. i am holding too much emotions here. there must be a time for me to let go.

for the past three days, i am constantly thinking about the same thing : am i doing something correctly? cracked my head for the answer. actually i knew i know it, i just do not want to accept it. how cruel is the truth! T^T can i do anything to change it? the time is too limited. and i am seriously doubting my ability now. i wanted to just let it go. but how can i? how can i just run away after failed? but what else can i do except from running away?

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*its not my fault. I did my best.
**No it IS my fault. i discover the problem too late.
*i am not good in observing. at least i see the problem now.
**and so? i am trying to close my eyes and overlook the problem.
*can i solve that problem? it is already over my power.
**but i MADE that problem. didnt i have to carry any responsibility?!
...

i really hope i can start school as fast as possible.

冰心女王一点都不冰心，因为汗水和泪水早就把她溶化了。

6/6/2011

2011-06-06T04:13:00.000-07:00

went sick yoday :( slept for the whole day.

after going on fb for less than an hour, i just feel weird. am i too obssesed on something? am i asking for too much? did i do something in these few days?

well...i have an empty feeling again. needs time to get over.

miracle, please appear.

5/6/2011

2011-06-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

too tired to type anything. i seriously need to express. but it will take me days to speak out all.

i take part of the blame as well. :( i broke down too. i failed. I cant find my position. I dont know how to maintain a neutral heart. I hope everything can go on smoothly. I know i can help to achive this, but i shouldn't.

what am I? where am I? WHY am I?!

i saw many seniors back every year. none of them goes as busy as me(us). I want to stand by aside too. talking nonsense, looking around, impressed by the juniors. but everything just dont go as what i thought.

I failed to create my miracle :(

26/5/2011

2011-05-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

on 22 May, i felt empty.

Now, i am still feeling empty. And i am very worried, afraid.

I am afraid of changes. I dont have many friends, not good in communicating.

What will happen if i have to go to a new place? without anyone i know beside me?

:(

18/5/2011

2011-05-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

lazy~~~ i admit that i am always a lazy person. and alright, holidays make me become even lazier @@ i actually feel envy to friends around whom have started their studies in form 6. its good to study, but me, the lazy girl will not start studying on my own. so, i need to attend school. I WANT SCHOOL~~~

anyway, currently undergoing preparation and OMFG its tiring. i almost forgot how hard it is to organise an event. somemore time is limited. wuwu~~~ i seriously dont have confidence in what i am doing right now. oh god, PLEASE PLEASE~~~~ everything please be fine...

oh, i almst forgot, THANKS GOD, for choosing me as 1 of the lucky girl. seriously, i know i am lucky for being 1 of the chinese girl receiving jpa scholarship. somemore its overseas. i appreciate it a lot. although, tourism is not my first interest, and frankly i dont really understand about this course. but, i will do my best. although it doesnt look related with my dream, but i am sure that i can do something between them. oh, and i am lucky enough to get taylor's college. never dreamt to go there before.

please give me strength to continue. all i need is YOU.

15/5/2011

2011-05-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry, but i am pissed. really, I AM PISSED OFF BY SOMEONE.

i admit that i m always lack of confidence in things that i am doing. i always feel unsure, especially if someone question me the same thing again and again, i will feel afraid. am i saying something wrong again? i think thats why i dont sound convincing for certain people. Hmm...

but, i am still feeling unhappy when someone dont believe what i said and wanted to ask for confirmation from others. HELLO i was just passing what she said to you! i know i look childish for feeling angry because of this. but i m really feeling unhappy. i think the problem is not on me alone. YOU have some problem too, seriously.

3/5/2011

2011-05-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

mixed feelings..really feel like crying...but tears dun come down easily now. I like to cry sometimes, its the best way to express bad felings. but now......[sigh]

i didnt get matrix. kinda relieved. i dont really hope to get it. dont want to study science anymore. say bye to form 6 too. bye sam tet. my friend said that i didnt get matrix because i am goig to get jpa scholarship. **very funny. applied to go to utar. but my status is still pending now. I AM GONNA BANG TO THE WALL AND DIE IF UTAR DONT WANT ME.

tired 4 days again. sometimes i questioned myself: why am i still doing this as i knew its going to be tiring? but still i went. i am happy that they won. and sad that we didnt get all. but happy or sad, i didnt show much. when i saw them hugging and cry, i dont want to step forward. huh, i am afraid. funny? yup,funny. but thats fact.

i sincerely feel that i am lucky. i managed to stand beside some "shinning peple" and eventually shine together in a circle. but behind the light, i know i suck. i dont have knowledges, not good in helpng around, but just because i am in the circle, i look good. ha, funny again. i have been faking for such a long period. funny.

had a hard time thinking about the team building activity. alright i am really bad in these. i feel that i am bad. especially when i heard that thos ewho i feel really good tole me that "i am not good enough" "i cant help them" etc, i felt crazy. if they werent good, what am i? no offence, and i am not angry. i just feel bad.

i am going to be better. just to express. dont take this serious. **why so serious?said the clown.

10/4/2011

2011-04-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

I think i am taking it too serious :/ its so damn tired preparing for the jpa interview where u dont really know what should u do to prepare. I am sleepy~ @@

alright relax~ its not that scary [or not?]

doing research is just NOT my style.

8/4/2011

2011-04-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

i m [kinda] in a state of confusion right now @@

name list for jpa interview was announced in the afternoon. not expecting to be called for interview. but eventually i got it == its abit sudden for me until i dont know what should i do now. and as what i expected many people got the interview chance [as what they announced on fb XP] everyone seemed to be nervous and unsure. well, normal.

anyway, i m still not the one who worried about this the most in my house == i was trying to try my best for the preparation. felt dizzy~~

oh by the way, my interview day is same as my dad's birthday == and he said that its a good thing. lol

30/3/2011

2011-03-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

I know what i want. But sometimes, i doubt. :( I hate searching for those scholarships. Those are not what i want. And what for to apply since i do not want it? Of course i wish i can get jpa. but on a second thought, jpa is not offering what i want. Or should i just go for STPM/A levels? @@

29/3/2011

2011-03-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

What do i really want? @@

27/3/2011

2011-03-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

今天下午刚从Lumut回来，因为不够睡所以很累~ @@ 这次我真的是大开眼界，虽然在知识上没有提升太多（呵~），可是在让我在其他部分学到很多。我才发现自己一直活在一个...很安逸的环境，我看见的，了解的东西很少。我将来所面对的世界，原来是这样的。我的想法，原来有很多可以改善的空间（简单来说，原来我很幼稚==）。我能应付这样的未来吗？我以前一直不敢想，可是通过这次活动，我真的有点吓到，也被迫开始想想了...T^T 活动上的华人和印度人不多，我幸运地认识了马来和印度朋友，还拍了三大种族的合照。嘿嘿，satu Malaysia 嘛！还有，teh tarik真的很好喝 :D

24/3/2011

2011-03-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

SPM results are released~~ alright i m satisfied. although i can be better.... but it is enough.

[my biggest aim for SPM] to get an A+ for chinese. and i made it!! AHAHAHAHA~ its more than enough now. what more can i ask for?

13/3/2011

2011-03-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

累累累累累累累累~~

我这几天的情绪就像过山车那样，忽高忽低，我控制不了，结果搞到自己辛苦，身边的人（或许）也很难受，唉~ （我把这种情况称为“濒临歇斯底里”，不懂对不对？）

我正在期待一件事情....一件其实现在不太可能发生的事情，但我还是抱着一丝丝的小希望~

20/2/2011

2011-02-20T07:29:00.000-08:00

Watched Beast's "bad girl" MV recently. Totally in love with it. It's so cool! I like this MV. And i like Beast. XD

Just found out that i have the same birthdate with Doo Joon, the leader of Beast.
[OMGwat?!shocked.surprised.WTH$%#%#^*]

I gone mad already. dont bother me. LAlaLalalAlalaLa~

20/2/2011

2011-02-19T08:29:00.000-08:00

~固执~

最近发现，原来有很多人是固执的。其实人之所以固执，是因为他们不愿意放弃自己的想法，尝试接受别人的话所导致。现在，固执的人应该越来越多了吧，因为现代人讲求的是个人主义，individualistic。

我以前是很固执的（现在也是，只是少了“很”字）。固执的人往往会为身边的人带来困扰，因为他们会因固执而无理取闹、转牛角尖、自私，身边的人疲于应付，却又不忍心弃之不顾——固执的人也挺可怜的，他们被封闭了，走不出自己的圈子。

好像说得有点夸张，其实固执也有分等级的（以上乃重量级，只是不懂有没有加强版 XD）。

固执，有时也是因为不愿相信内心那股声音，那违心却真实的话。倘若愿意倾听，细细地想，问题就简单得多了。

ps：突然说了一堆不适合自己的话，天！

13/1/2011

2011-01-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

有些事情，想假装不在意真的很难。我也不想一直去想，可是不知不觉还是会想到。想说不在意，也骗不到自己。唯一可以庆幸的是我只是在家里，不会在外面散播负面情绪。

希望时间冲淡一切？就算相同的事会一直出现，提醒我，我也不能忘了，我也有属于我的东西。

嗯~？

19/1/2011

2011-01-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

闷~~依然是找不到目标。

我做了一个（对我而言）相当重大的决定，我决定....不要说出来。Blek~

13/1/2011

2011-01-13T08:17:00.000-08:00

最近因为太空闲了，常常陷入胡思乱想的状态，有时还会被自己的想法hurt到，唉~

要考undang了，加油！一定要在去ns前学会开车。

9/1/2011

2011-01-09T06:21:00.000-08:00

after 发霉at home for a week, finally i did something that i like today! ^^ but after today, boring lifestyle again :(

每天在家吃饭睡觉上网发呆，实在是太[X100000] 没有意义了。应该要找些事做，尤其是看到很多人都很努力充实自己，我好像也应该自我增值一下。HMM~~~~~
可是................我不知道该做什么啊！！！ XoX

还是上学好~

5/1/2011

2011-01-03T01:52:00.000-08:00

2011年的第一章：

开学了！与我无关。我毕业了，也没有去打工（别怪我，不是我不想做，而是因为没有人可以载我去做工。）所以，我的身分已经正式从中学生转到无业游民，每天在家无所事事！哈！（其实我也是很忙的，要收拾自己的一堆烂摊子，还要思考未来的人生方向，嗯~~~）

朋友到国民服务营去了。前几天发高烧，所以挺庆幸自己不是第一批。被抽中，其实很开心却也很不安，怕自己没有足够的力量应付它，怕自己撑不住。家人好像也不是很赞成我去，因为我身上毛病一大堆，皮肤敏感肠胃又不好，怕我生病。不过现在也不想理了，迟些再考虑好了。

星座语录：难得有时间休息，要趁机放松一下，培养个人兴趣。
说得对！我一定要找些事做，不要虚度光阴。嗯！

不过在这之前，还是要先收拾好东西啊~~~~~

15/12/2010

2010-12-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

SPM总算是结束了，呼~ 心情似乎没有想象中的轻松愉快，可能是因为在最后一科表现得不太好的关系。[“衰收尾”...叹~] 不是说对自己没信心，但我觉得我的华语应该没有机会拿A+了... T^T 今年的SPM，简直是“冷风阵阵”，题目冷门得要命，大半的人已经冻死在考场上，能走出来的恐怕也元气大伤。我嘛，凶多吉少，不敢奢望太多了...

不过，那也是过去了的事，还有另一个挑战正在我面前等着我。说实在的，有那么一点点后悔，总觉得有点高估自己了，恐怕不会有什么好结果。我已经没有机会回头了，只能一直往前走。可是，那份恐惧一直藏在心底。它每天都会出现，狠狠地爬呀咬呀，很辛苦，却又找不到别人分担。即使找到了，也不知道该怎么说。只能自己默默承受，一直安慰自己别怕别怕，不会有事的...可是，我已经没有能力说服我自己了....

真的很讨厌。没有办法讨厌别人，只能讨厌自己。讨厌自己不能控制场面；讨厌自己傻傻地什么都不会；讨厌自己没有办法确保百分百的出席率；讨厌自己不懂得回答别人的提问；讨厌自己会忍不住乱发脾气；讨厌自己无法承受别人对我投来的指责的目光；最讨厌自己明知道是自己的错，却还是要生气别人的习惯，讨厌讨厌讨厌.......

我想，这篇文说不定会引起一阵风浪，会有人跑来对我说话，想安慰我还是劝责我。你们的好意我心领了。我只是累了，想要喘口气，所以才啰里啰唆地说了一堆。我真的没事，也不会让自己有事。所以，什么都不要说，好吗？

但愿，只是我想多了。

10/12/2010

2010-12-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

谢天谢地！今天总算还是圆满地结束了。尽管并没有达到很好的成效，可是也比想象中的好太多了！呵呵~

发生了一些小插曲，是真的让我非常，非常，非常，超级不爽的事情。不过，人长大了还是会有些进步的，我的EQ已经比以前提高了很多。别人要发怒是她家的事，我管不了，也不想去理会，更不可能让这事影响我。我只能说，我已做了我该做的，中间出现了什么问题，不是我的责任。
麻烦你也好好检讨自己，看看问题究竟出在哪里。

SPM就要结束了！！嘢！！！考试结束后，我一定好好翻新部落格，不会再亏待它了~

9/12/2010

2010-12-09T07:32:00.001-08:00

我很喜欢讲话，可是我不是一个会说话的人。我直肠直肚，想到什么就讲，有点口无遮拦，甚至没有顾及到别人的感受。对于这点，我也很无奈。只怪我的舌头比脑袋灵活，很多时候脑袋还没想清楚，话就从舌头溜了出来。我不会为自己辩护，因为那的确是我的问题。但如果我曾说过什么伤人的话，伤害了你的感受，我像你道歉，希望你别放在心上，因为我是没有恶意的，那只是我当时最直接的反应。虽然有时也会想到自己似乎说了什么不太好的东西，但是更多时候，我都会忘掉我说过什么。所以请不要介意，因为这就是我。

致：任何人

[p/s: 想不到这竟然是我的复出之作 ==]

17/9/2010

2010-09-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

GOING TO ABANDON MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just ignore my blog..bye~

29/8/2010

2010-08-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am hating myself for not studying...not hardworking...useless....

nobody will believe that i actually online everyday duuring midyear exam with my pretty resuls..
nobody is going to believe it this time either..

but yet...i am such a lazy people...who cannot concentrate even TOMORROW is the exam....i am scared of my results...trial is important? i cant feel that it is important...and thats the scariest part...

dont really want to mention about my hardworking sister again...but she did make me feel ashamed...what the heck am i doing now!!!!

help me please...save me from this situation...i really dont know what to do...

31/7/2010

2010-07-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

~~~A conversation between me and myself~~~

"hey, they have training today."

"ya, i know."

"should i go and have a look?"

"you dont have to. they should learn to be independent."

"but i hope to go and watch them..."

"why should you be so busybody?

you are not their nanny."

"i want to help them..."

"you cant help them.

you are just disturbing them."

"but......."

"you are just making yourself unhappy seeing their resuls.

Let them train on themselves."

"okay......"

thats what happened everytime..but at last...i still follow my emotional part...
haiz~still cant leave it behind..

by the way..Annual Parade today...but i was at Sam Tet school when they were standing + marching + cheering + photo taking...and there goes my last Annual Parade..missed it T^T

after the course..waiting for my mum under the "bridge"...my phone beeps...i look to the opposite side..two sorpoh are waving to me ==

24/7/2010

2010-07-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~ in moody feeling now~~~~~~~~

just want to tell the world that i kena NS...should be telling this last week...thanks to mwy for helping us to check ^^

felt humiliated today...made me thought of the CD in The Return...Its my own fault actually...i go and knock on the wall by myself...haiz~stupid...why cant i just ignore it and walk away? i am just making myself ashamed now...

~~~~~~continue to be moody~~~~~~~~

16/7/2010

2010-07-16T03:06:00.000-07:00

everyone is talking about PLKN now..."u kena?" "OMG i kena!" i still dont know whether i "kena" or not...but i wish to "kena"...yes u did not see wrongly... I WISH TO GO TO NS.
if i dont "kena"...i wont be too sad.. if i "kena"...i wont be overjoy too...
[i am still scared of those dirty things....]

another thing is SPM trial...its so stressed to see my sister studying everyday but i did not start revision at all...i went back to those days where i sit in the class blurly...not understanding what teachers are saying...

HATE ME NOW....

7/7/2010

2010-07-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is a bad day....................

last wednesday...i made jq sad because of some misunderstandings....although its a sad thing but luckily its over...but this week...another bad thing happened...although it does not happen today...but it grows serious today...not going to tell what happened...it hurts every time i say it out...i dont understand why am i always the one who "kena"...:( anyway still thanks to my friends who support me and tell me that i am not doing things wrongly...

i cannot concentrate on my studies because of this...its quite serious...really hate monday night...everything started because of that...i dont know why should i care about this so much...its so suffering [ah...how long since i stop using this word]

i am willing to give u time...but how much time do u need this time?
i can accept ur selfishness...but please be fair...do make some changes for ur dear friends too...

=moody=
let me feel sad for a few days before i can stand up again....

4/7/2010

2010-07-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SWEET SEVENTEENTH TO ME -- WONG WAN NING!!

still have about twenty minutes before today ends...i want to enjoy my very last moment of my birthday quietly....i am tired..but i dont want to miss my day..i dont want to miss every single moment of today..

went to parade today...bought a pair of shoes..went sushi king for lunch... happy^^

received A LOT OF wishes through facebook and my phone...thanks a lot ^^ i truely feel very happy to receive these...makes me think of yesterday..where i received birthday wishes from all our members...ah! its my dream since long time ago...and now it came true ^^

........silent......
lets enjoy the moment ^^

3/7/2010

2010-07-03T08:02:00.001-07:00

first meeting as a senior today...seeing those f4 committees so nervous until they even rehearsal fall in... [omg :)]

i was walking around seeing those f4 committees teadhing marching...i felt...bored :( i wished to teach the members too~ i only teached them marching ONCE in this year...but for a thousand times i controlled myself not to interrupt...they should learn from their mistakes...i am sure they will be better next time ^^

meeting almost ended...suddenly chai yan asked all of us to go into room for discussion.."i thought we need to fall in?" many of us asked and she said no need..but after we sat down wei see came and asked us to fall in == and we have to fall in at the middle part @@ i did not aware of anything until they fall out and suddenly....we are surrounded by all the members... when i suddenly realised what is going on..its too late.......they sang birthday song for me ^^

after that..i was trying to look for my bag...i thought i put it in room...but the f4 committees shuted the door...so i went to see ms lai first...[now i know why everyone of them kept on asking me to go back for meeting eventhough the door was still not opened yet..] when the door is opened..i knew what is going on again..so i rushed under the table to search for my bag and pretended that i do not know...and after finding for a while suddenly i remembered that....my bag is at outside == they bought a cake for me...with my name on it ^^ but the candles melted...so sorry about that..but still thanks to u all...i was so shock and syok :)

going out tomorrow~~i love my birthday..

2/7/2010

2010-07-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to my dear sister~~she is 15 now....
and i recently found out that my cousin bro's birthday falls on today...happy birthday to him too~

**sorry jiaqi i did not mean to hurt you/make you sad :( you are still my good friend :)

good mood in the morning...i got a good result...teacher wont say "malulah saya" in front of my dad/mum ^^
bad mood in the evening...i dont know why she hate me..i did not really care about it...but i was offended : why do she want to let me know this purposely? so that i will pujuk her? dia tu sot sot punya... ><

waiting for tomorrow...all the best to the f4 committees...its so good to be young~
[i wish i can stay in our st john for a longer period...dont want to leave here so early T.T]

30/6/2010

2010-06-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

i am being very moody today....feel like f-ing people...

and i am very tired....want to go to sleep but lazy to go into my bed..[what kind of logic is that? ==]

the line is damn slow..i cant log into my facebook account..grrr...

my right palm was feeling pain since yesterday...my mum said is because i played too much computer...now my "waist" also feel pain...s i m feeling so not well...

wanted to find a place and shout...then sleep for a whole day..

29/6/2010

2010-06-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

i am scared.........................................................

people who know me very well will know that : i am a sensitive person. i am lack of confidence. i scare of everything!

just kept on thinking a lot and scaring myself...i am so very afraid now...

p/s: if u hate me please tell me...i will TRY to control myself...is too suffering to guess and i dont dare to ask.....i am scared.... :(

26/6/2010

2010-06-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow~~~

hehe every st john friend is talking about tomorrow...f4 members must be very nervous now..worrying this worrying that...well i used to have feelings like this last year...i still remember that i said i wish to become a quarter mistress to teacher last year...and i got what i hope for...thats my luck and i appreciate it...but i knew that i did not do my job well for the whole year...i even made a big mistake at the time i first took over....and i am going to leave a messy thing to my "next generation"...i am so sorry~~hopefully u all wont repeat my mistakes next year..

but actually....i dont hope tomorrow to arrive....erm no...what i mean is...i hope tomorrow to come faster...ei nonono....haiz @.@
i think i am still not ready to let go YET...nevermind i still got one night to prepare myself...
i am going to miss our st john from tomorrow onwards.....

yesterday is su ann's birthday...happy birthday dear~seeing everyone singing birthday song for her and looking at her presents...i remembered of my birthday last year...its so sweet to have everyone sending birthday wishes to you...and i knew that many members love su ann this year...so congratz to su ann!! u r the best!!

outing tomorrow~~

23/6/2010

2010-06-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

well...maybe what chiang tieng said is correct... i do have some kind of "emotional disease" or what...i was having very weird feelings recently..[erm..i think it started a long time ago.........]

papers are back...my results...{not bad :)}
im not saying this to be punched by people...but seriously...i knew that i did not prepare well for this exam...i only started my revision 2 weeks before the exam..i still on facebook everyday even it was exam season...and i sleep before 12 every night during exam week... and i had prepared to get my worst result ever....
BUT.................................................................................
again what i predicted was wrong...[dont beat me pls~]
i think GOD wants to punish me during SPM..so he give me not-bad-results now...and want me to fall down durin SPM...aiks~

i want to know myself more...i want to see ME clearly...i really hate myself for doing certain things and behaving in certain ways...i dislike myself...really...
i am being more emotional compared to before....maybe
i am being emo recently when i am alone....i cant find a people to pour out :(

big day nearby...finally i can free myself! but i just left the messy things behind for my juniors? omg i really dont want it to happen...but now...i am tired to clean up.....
but am i really ready to let go?how will i be without st john??

...................lastly.......................
that person became so important in my life where i did not realise until now....
OMG.

22/6/2010

2010-06-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

caring of someone too much now...just a little bit too much...

18/6/2010 - ^^

2010-06-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

看得最远的地方-张韶涵

你是第一个发现我
越面无表情越是心里难过
所以当我不肯落泪地颤抖
你会心疼的抱我在胸口

你比谁都还了解我
内心的渴望比表面来得多
所以当我跌断翅膀的时候
你不扶我但陪我学忍痛

我要去看得最远的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊梦想
像从来没有失过望受过伤
还相信敢飞就有天空那样

我要在看得最远的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被泼过太冷的雨滴和雪花
更坚持微笑要暖得像太阳

你比谁都还了解我
内心的渴望比表面来得多
所以当我跌断翅膀的时候
你不扶我但陪我学忍痛

我要去看得最远的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊梦想
像从来没有失过望受过伤
还相信敢飞就有天空那样

我要在看得最远的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被泼过太冷的雨滴和雪花
更坚持微笑要暖得像太阳

有时候觉得我们很不一样
你能看见我看不到的地方
有时候又觉得我们很像
都爱仰起头不听命运的话

我要去看得最远的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊梦想
像从来没有失过望受过伤
还相信敢飞就有天空那样

我要在看得最远的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被泼过太冷的雨滴和雪花
更坚持微笑要暖的像太阳

13/6/2010

2010-06-12T20:01:00.001-07:00

I dropped my spoon into the drain!!!! T^T

my sister learnt from the brands' advertistment...she want to "stick" my spoon out from the drain but failed...
[so...dont trust advertistments...its not true at all!!!]

i dont have a spoon to eat now T^T

9/6/2010

2010-06-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

My life recently is just like rubbish!! i totally hate myself for being what i am like now.. everyday sitting there ignoring those homeworks and sleep till very late and watch tv on facebook... once again i ask : how am i going to face SPM like this?? and once again i answer : i dont know T^T

after finishing the three day trip..once again i wanted to say ; i really got more than what i expected..not only for the competition results...but also in other aspects..
- i had my first time being a team manager [which i think its quite successful :)]
- i had my first heart-to-heart conversation with jq <3>> i grew up :D

on the last day..i did something that i think it was really great..those small ones let me see back what i had been through when i was still young.. i can even see a "ME" among them... it was a very special feeling...which let me understand more on friendship...and understand more on myself... and the happiest thing is : for the first time i finished a task with jq!! i am sure that many people were curious about what we were doing...and i am glad that things ended up nice and smooth...

but there is one thing important to say : those small one thank us a lot for helping them...but actually i did not do things much...its them who let me understand more... THANKS TO THEM~

love st john ;)

31/5/2010

2010-05-31T06:23:00.000-07:00

OMG MY BLOG IS FULL OF GRASS!!!

:P

maybe i am really not suitable to own a blog...ah i like to voice out more~with my own mouth...

exam-ing...but still on facebook everyday withOUT studying..HAIZ~
everyone...this time i will SURE get a bad result..dont say me cheat u all..true la believe me~

after exam will be another important event~~but after that will be SPM T^T

i m trying to do something to help...but i cant do any changes...so useless me :(

many things are distracting me now...really cant study!!! wuwu~~

last but not least...I LOVE ST JOHN~ and i am willing to do anything for it..

well i know whatever i said seemed does not make sense...nevermind i am here just to clean my blog..

going to disappear again~~see ya!

18/1/2010

2010-01-18T04:25:00.000-08:00

not feel like blogging recently...i am just too tired...i never sleep later than 12 before and guess what...i am sleeping later than 12 for the past few weeks!! everyday stayback stayback stayback...cant finish my homework...T.T

going to NZ soon...well everyone knew about this...we have been doing fund raising activities yet our money is still not enough...it seemed to be something very big...but i was just feeling...very weird...cant explain what does that mean...

LOVE 988!!! special experience...i think i am quite lucky compared to my friends because i got a little bit more chances than them...they called me on saturday...and some of my friends heard my voice today!!but i did not hear it myself....the show just started today...and i am one of the first batch...so lucky~

wont be blogging much...too lazy~

29/12/2009

2009-12-28T22:44:00.000-08:00

第一次用华语...想说说关于我前几天参加的营。

至于是什么营就不说了，想保留一些神秘感～

只能说参加这个营真的很爽！很难忘…我真切地感觉到自己学到了很多、见识也广阔了、认识了很多朋友，很开心，庆幸自己没有错过这个难得的机会。

而且我没有空手而归哦！我们那组夺得最佳组别的亚军，我还拿到…呵呵～

街头乐霸，哗t啦！

29/12/2009

2009-12-28T22:17:00.000-08:00

well...i know it is too late to talk about our annual training camp...nevermine...i will just make it short and simple...i am too lazy somehow...

16/12-19/12
day before camp...we stayed overnight in school...i was panic actually because i dont know what will happen in the following days...i cant sleep at the first night...
......well i think i am old already...i cant remember much :p

what i remember clearly was only : i only slept for one or two hours everyday...felt so tired every morning but still we have to show an energetic face in front of the campers...the activities were quite tightly-packed because we dont really have enough time...[4-day-camp will really be better] the campers were tired rushing here and there...hmm...

and the meals...the campers' cooking skills are considered good for someone who dont know how to cook at all like me...i have to cook their lunch and my first reaction was : OMG#$@*&.... luckily it was just maggi mee...and its not delicious at all[sorry~]

sharing : most of the campers like it..i like it too~it was same as what we have when i ws in form1...sadly i cant manage to write on everyone's back...there was 1 girl who wrote “你很可爱”on my back...wondering who she is...but thanks ya~

closing ceremony : IT . WAS . SO . COOL!!! like it a lot...the performances were great...it was a special thing that we have not tried before...maybe we can have it again next year...

TO GROUP AMBER : sorry for not involving much in your group meetings....but i believe that you all had tried your best...the nametag and flag you all made are FABULOUS and most of the committees like it...i like it very much either....thanks for cooperating with me...hope to see you all again next year...
you all might not be the best...but you are definitely MY best!! Gambate!!

TO ALL OC AND SENIORS : not much to say anymore...
just sorry & thank you!! see you next year!!

i will just stop here...but our story never end!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!

8/12/2009

2009-12-08T01:50:00.000-08:00

first and foremost...i want to scream out loud and tell everyone that : I CUT MY HAIR!!!!

haha i did not tell anyone[act i only told one person] that i am going to cut my hair because i want to give a surprise to all my friends...and same as i thought:they . were . shocked [haha~] many of them asked me why i want to cut my hair short becasue i said that i want to grow it long...and the reason i cut is: I LIKE IT ^^ short hair really suit me more...
{to tct : hey my hair is BETTER than yours la...}

my holiday is totally messed up!! i have not did anything useful throughout this holiday...everyday only eat sleep online...go for meeting...doing camp stuffs[yet to finish]...no more!! never did anything related to study..never tidy up my things...i think i can go and ide next year~

finished some camp stuff just now...now continue with other camp stuff..
my current life=st john :)

25/11/2009

2009-11-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

summary for yesterday and today:

yesterday morning was our camp group meeting...have to wake up early again~i like my group because they are so independent and hardworking..feel guilty for not caring of them so much as others instructors do..but i believe that they will still show their best...Gambate!! Amber!

after coming back from school..immediately shower and went to icc club..meet my friends there to sing k hoho..stayed there for almost 4 hours...so syok~so good to be a member there..got a so big and free room...

today...not a happy day...was planning to watch 2012 in the cinema with those chinese debate people..but when i reached..only i knew that some were not coming..and the most important thing is..we are not the only 1 who came...[unhappy] after "blurring" for a while..i heard someone said:"call xxx now ask her come out"..then i suddenly realised that i am not so important to stay there...then i made the decision to leave...but still feeling sad somehow..feel like betrayed...anyway..thanks to xwen for giving me morale support..i am feeling better now :)

after all these things...suddenly i found out that...i love st john soooooooo much~never regretted to join this big family..

22/11/2009

2009-11-21T22:51:00.002-08:00

holiday starts...but that does not mean that we are free now...sometimes holiday indicates more busy stuffs...do you agree?

went to jusco just now...bought the thing i wanted to buy finally!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [my friends sure will know what i am talking about ^^] the salesgirl looked quite surprised when i told her that i am form 4 now..maybe i am too young to own something like this..well i dont care...as long as i got what i want~[hey i will bring it to school this tuesday to show you all..]

yesterday had meeting as usual...with an unusual talk...below is the main and most important issue i gained:
Form 1- follow
Form 2- learn
Form 3- show
Form 4- lead
Form 5- plan
Form 6 and above- evaluate
[is this a trend?everyone was talking about it since yesterday]

ok i will follow the others' steps to talk about my "journey in st john"...i will make it short because it will be similar with others..erm or i should say not really similiar because my steps are more slower than theirs somehow...

Form 1: an innocent year...know nothing...so just followed what the seniors did...i have to admit that i was totally a KID at the age 13...without thinking of the others and only thought about myself...i think thats why i dont have much friends at that time...i attacked everyone around me and keep my heart closed..

Form 2:Flag team.i appreciate it a lot when i had the chance to form a team of 6 and go for competition...where friendship between "them" growed...my selfishness brought me towards sadness and heartbroking...learned a lot after all...i was not chosen to competition...and that
hurted me a lot...i even cried because of this.....and there's the place where i was slower than others...because i lost a chance of learning...

Form 3:suffered a lot this year...dont even know how to face friends who have a different identity with me...i rejected their love and caring towards me and i knew that it hurted them a lot...sorry too~[actually you did not do anything wrong so you dont have to apologise..i am the 1 who have to thank you all for not blaming me and always forgive me] maintained flag team with more effort but still we lost...again i let the chance for me to show slipped away..

Form 4:luckily i did not missed out the chances i got this year..joined com and managed to picked up things that i lost before[learn and show]...chosen to be one of the committee member and still learning how to be a leader...i am not confident enough somehow...

wow my words are so messy and....long T.T thought to make ot short~anyway what i am trying to say was: i am still walking on my learning path and at the same time trying new things...i am not a kid anymore..TIME TO CHANGE!!!

To all my friends: i know i am a selfish person...thanks for always forgiving me...and please believe that i never meant to hurt you all...

16/11/2009

2009-11-16T02:41:00.000-08:00

first of all..HAPPY BiRTHDAY to my friend since primary school..hey you are sixteen now!

yesterday was our primary school gathering...held in Moven Peak...
it was so cool!! meeting my primary school friends which i have not seen them for so many years..cant recognise some of them already...all the boys grew very tall..looked so short while standing beside them..T.T and most of the girls change become so pretty...[well i have to admit that i was not included]

the food there are so expensive!! not dare to order so much so just order a plate of fried rice...this reminded me of the fried rice that i ate last saturday[which was also very expensive..] i was sort of...very quiet in the beginning...because is quite weird to talk to "friends" which you have not met for so long...but soon i started to mix into the "situation"...then i started my "action"-selling stickers!! most of the boys became the victim..[because their school dont have st john members ma+they are soooooo kind and rich] alright i know i am fake :p

anyway...its still a memorable night...everyone gathered together to talk and eat...quite a nice moment...looking forward to the next gathering ^^ [well..if there is one]

p/s : thinking of not going to school today[again]..but finally still went to school..haiz~why am i such a good student?

12//11/2009

2009-11-12T00:37:00.000-08:00

changed a new blog skin today...finally~like it very much..

i might even change my style in blogging later...delete all old posts...do whatever to make my blog more interesting...

or i might not change anything if i am to lazy :p

adding songs soon~

11/11/2009

2009-11-11T00:29:00.002-08:00

alright..i have to admit that it is easier to write a blog in english...i had tried to write in mandarin but at the end i gave up...haiz..hate myself for being so inresistant...

yesterday was our school 71th anniversary....TIRED!!but FUN!! again i was blocked outside the "st john performance" door...anyway i was perfoming hand gestures for prs and CHINESE DRUMS for chinese debate![still feeling excited when thought about that] everyone was saying that we were so yeng when performing...but actually it is quite tiring...we stayed back for a few days to practise...and the trainers were quite strict[well..they are actually very kind]...got high for 2 hours and felt very tired...thinking of not going to school today..

But...

still i woke up early and climb to school today...because we were sending the drums back today... OH~gotta miss it...the lorry driver forgot to come and we waited there for almost an hour...hoping that the driver wont come :p finally...drums on the lorry..singing友谊万岁and bidded goodbye to the drums...

luckily i did not fall asleep during chemistry lesson today...still thinking should i go to school tomorrow or not...

anyway...although i missed my blog...i am not going to update it frequently LOL

2/10/2009 - Tagged

2009-10-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

被点到必填，
不填代表你不尊重传给你的人和问卷。

(1) 请老实的回答每一个问题。
(2) 不行擅自塗改題目。
(3) 写完请点10位小朋友，不可不点。
(4) 点完后请通知那10位小朋友他被点到了。
被点到的:
1.wei yeeng
2.jia min
3.chiang tieng
4.wei teng
5.su ann
6.chai yan
7.jia qi
8.xiao wen
9.wei see
10.sook han

01-[ 4号认识6号吗? ]: of course!! they have very special relationship!!

02-[ 10号是男还是女? ]: girl

03-[ 8号的兴趣是? ]: [lucky guess]before-study..now-breaking school rules..

04- [ 1号有没有兄弟姐妹? ]:two older sisters...maybe two sister-in-laws later..

05-[ 7号姓氏? ]: ngui

06-[ 10号人缘好吗? ]: i think yes...

07-[ 4号有人追吗? ]: she say got...but i dont know whether it is true..

08-[ 承上2号呢? ]:really dont know...we never discuss about this...

09-[ 6号喜欢的颜色是? ]: purple...maybe?

10-[ 3号和10号是朋友吗? ]:yup..they know each other since primary school..

11-[ 8号的生日是? ]: oops...i dont know~February

12-[ 5号读哪呢? ]: amc

13-[ 你怎么认识10号的? ]: since form 1..through st john

14-[ 你跟1号的生日差几个月? ]: 2 months

15-[ 你和9号有出去玩过吗? ]: yup..we went to genting kl..

16-[ 你喜欢和2号聊天吗? ]: yes!!we have similiar characteristics...

17-[ 你喜欢和3号在一起吗? ]: yes!!comfatable to stay with her [except when she wants to borrow money]

18-[ 你觉得7号人怎么样? ]:quite but actually quite talkative....blur..

19-[ 你觉得9号人怎么样? ]: serious when doing things...fun to play with...

20-[ 你爱5号吗? ]: erm...she says she love me..so i love her also lo!

1. 是谁传給你这份问卷的: leong jie yu a.k.a yuyu

2. 你们认识多久呢: forgot...quite a long time lo...

3. 你觉得他(她)对你來说很重要吗: all my friends are important to me..

4. 你与他(她)的关系是: friends..and not only friends...

5.你覺得他(她)的個性如何: pessimistic...always thought that herself is not good enough...

6. 请问他(她)的兴趣是: no idea...writing? speaking? camping? swim like a fish?

p/s: i am not going to inform those who were tagged...those who found out your name on the list...please surrender yourselves and answer the questions okay?[i trust you all]

2/10/2009 - Important News

2009-10-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

i cant believe that i really made this decision..according to my mum..my English is too bad..and that is why i used English to type my blog..because i thought maybe this can improve my English..

BUT . . . . . . . . .

i change my mind now..I DECIDED TO WRITE MY BLOG IN MANDARIN!!!!

it will be more easier for me to express my feelings without thinking of too much...not to be afraid so much now...THIS IS MY BLOG!! i wrote it for me to remember...but not really for people to read and spread...so i dont have to care whether they understand what i am writing or not...but if i was too lazy maybe i will still write a bit English d..

by the way...if anyone is feeling unhappy for my decision and is going to do anything that will make me upset...{dont be too childish...everyone have their own freedom}

19/9/2009

2009-09-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

its 11pm now...and i am supposed to go to bed..but i really wanted to spend some time to record down what happened today...just in case i forgot any of my memories tomorrow...

this morning....i woke up early because of the debate farewell....i missed the farewell party last year...and unfortunately i missed it this year again....just because i ate a bread that is not fresh...and lastly i vomitted like a pig[does a pig vomit?]...and to all the debate club seniors..so sorry that i did not attend...

after sleeping for hours and missing my breakfast and lunch....i woke up...feeling better...got myself prepared for the dinner...not going to miss it no matter how...i arrived there at about 5.30pm...not much people there...walked here and there doing nothing...a bit regret because did not grab the microphone and sing...[haiz]..we waited for quite a long time before all of the seniors arrived...guess what...all of us stood in front of the door and waited for the seniors arrival...all the cars passed by were staring at us[oh i mean the drivers]...

we ordered food and started eating...actually....its quite cold there[not only the place...but also the atmosphere]...the truth is we really dont know what should we do to cheer them up...the place is quite small and there were other customers so we cant be too crazy...and the only place that is private for us[the kbox room]is really small...but we were still 'pushing' those seniors into the small room and tried to make them enjoy themselves...

the climax part came when we asked all of the seniors including us squeeze into the room[there are almost 30 of us]...we prepared slideshows and songs as a presentation...and also a small card for each of them[with their photos and some drawings on it]...thats the time when all of them screamed around and laughed very loudly...i think they start enjoying themselves at that moment...i was the photographer who ‘climbed’ here and there taking photos...but my techniques are really bad so the photos dont look very nice =.=...

later we came out from the small room and started a sharing+photo taking session...everyone sat together inside the area we booked while i took the family photo for them...luckily they still remember that I was not inside the photo so later they asked a worker there to help take a photo...we even phoned Pn Tan and shouted “I love U” to her...wow this is so crazy!! we also hugged our seniors...and luckily I still managed to take a photo with my “old generations”[but I looked very ugly lo..]

OH and there is one person that I must mentioned...he is the waiter in this restaurant...alright she is a TB so I will call her “him”...he is very cute~[most of us agreed with it]...he scattered around and looked very busy...but still he had time to gossip...his name is Joe...but I am going to call him Jo E[hoho]...and he told me and sh a secret{the manager there like 1 of our seniors!!} and he was trying to help him to get her phone number...unfortunately we cant help him...we don’t have the number...

I wont forget this day...although the tiny parts will disappear slowly and slowly...but I will never forget the main parts...that is: at least we had organized a gathering with the seniors...its very important...

18/9/2009

2009-09-18T02:03:00.002-07:00

its the first day of holiday....really dont know should i feel happy or sad...

yesterday morning...when my class was lining up in the field as usual...a prefect came holding a namelist and marked our attendance...i asked her why and she answered dont know...i was so shocked when i heard it!how can she dont know why she was doing something?! while i was complaining to my friend about...suddenly we found something weird:all other classes had went back to thier classrooms and all the prefects were moving towards us...[wow]even the discipline teacher came...they ordered us to put down our bags on the {wet and dirty} field....now we knew what happened...its spot check!!

honestly i was not afraid because i did not bring any thing against school rules...but i was afraid that they might spoiled my things...so when one of them was checking my purse...i kept on mumbling beside:"dont be too rough...its my new purse..{bla bla}......." the same thing happened when another one was checking my bag...she opened my pencilcase...[i say]hey my pencilcase is full..dont drop anything....dont spoil it...{bla}... and when she is checking my file..{me again}hey this file is vey important 1..got money inside ah...dont break it...aiyo you are so rough...give me la.. [then i grab the file from her and closed it up]...i think the prefects must feel irritated...

those teachers...i think they really thought that our holidays are "homework days"...and each and every subject teachers thought that our time are specially used for their subject only...and thats why every teachers are trying their best to fill up our time with MANY homeworks.... O.M.G T.T

i am resting today...because tomorrow will be a busy day...dabate club farewell in the morning...they are planning to sing k after that but i wont go...i have to save some energy for the event at night:a small gathering with st john seniors....we booked a place and are going to have our dinner and sing k there...hope it will be memorable....

BUSY!! have to start preparing a lot of things....[camp]the most important event for me at this moment...because it will not be just a camp....[spm]too early to talk about this...but time flies...it will arrive in any minute...[year end exam]study study study....

haiz~

13/9/2009

2009-09-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

recently..i found out that I seldom visit my blog…Its not that nothing happened around me so there is nothing to write..its because I found that…blogging is no longer a way for me to express everything…I cant write everything I wanted to voice out because there are too many people reading it…I begin to hate everything around…well...going to transform into a girl of hatred....

I am doing a very stupid thing continuously…whenever I read someone’s blog [not only 1…but many]…I will be very angry and upset after reading their posts…but eventhough this situation happens everytime...I will still read their posts…and be upset everytime…I dont know why...maybe its because of the contents or maybe is because of the person... I dont want this to happen...but I really cant control it...

today is my friend’s birthday..[happy birthday o qiqi~]... I planned to do something special for her as a present...because what I received during my birthday is so special and memorable...and I hope my friends can also have 1...I decided to make her a present so I asked all the form 4 girls to help...but I did not notice that there are some whom there birthday had already passed by we did not prepare things for them...until 1 of the friend who I asked for help said: “I feel that its very unfair LO...because xxx and xxx birthday already passed but they got nothing..” I talked to her for awhile...trying to protect my idea...until she said: “nevermind I will do this...but very unfair because only Competitiors got something special...aiyah don’t know ah..” THIS IS THE SENTENSE who make me very upset because what I tried to do was totally worthless...and this is not the end yet...later...another 1 said something almost same and made me decided to stop doing this... [sorry oh qiqi...because of the thing called “FAIR” I did not prepare your present...]

honestly....2009 competition is a history now...in my mind...I no longer put myself as a “competitor” now...I am just one of the sjam member in amc...trying to do things that can bring benefits...I hate those who still think that I am a competitor...it restricts my movements and my actions and my way to talk...whatever I want to say I have to think twice and another twice before spreading it out...cannot hurt their feelings cannot look down at them cannot this cannot that....who is going to think for me?! I had only joined the competition for 1 time...I am not doing anything wrong...why are they locking me as a prisoner? I am still blur in a lot of aspects although I used to be a “competitor”...its nothing very special or very “big”...why cant they just let me go?

I did a personal test in a magazine and get a quite accurate result...it says that I am a very straight person...and what I am chasing for is “truth”...but sometimes we can have many ways in telling something so we should not make things to clear [well its is in mandarin so my translation might be weird]...this is what I am...I like to be honest...but my surroundings are fulfilled with fakeness...which almost turns me into someone like that to...I dislike to tell a person that “I hate you” because I knew that I wont hate them forever...but when I am so angry I need to find someone to express...and what I did make others said that I am fake....well...speechless...everyone in this world is hurting each other...what can I do to change?

9/9/2009

2009-09-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

what a nice day...999...i like this date...

but i dont really like this day...finally got back our bi paper which we supposed to get it back last week...so surprised that none of us in our class got A...not even A2...
now..finalise my results...lose again lol...she is still better than me although i am a little bit more hardworking this time...thanks to add maths...

met an accident during recess time...a girl sprained her leg for a dont-know-what reason...[according to her friend...she was too excited..]two members were helping her....i instructed them to bring her to the room...get the key and opened the room...took an ice pack...feeling happy to do something meaningful...i always thought that i did not really helped a lot although i am a st john member...

today is wednesday...every member should be in full uniform...but there are still some who dont like to follow instructions...today i met some interesting cases: two best friends did not wear uniform and i asked them why..one of them say:"oh, because monday is holiday so i thought today is tuesday.." another one is worse:"i forgot where i put my pants..."=.= what should i say?OMG...there is another one who did not tie her hair in a bun..reason: she dont know how to tie a bun and the friend who help her to tie bun did not come to school.." what kind of reason is this?!

think a lot after meeting those "cases"...what should I do to help improve our society?being too strict is useless now...but i really hate a "soft" way...

3/9/2009

2009-09-03T04:50:00.000-07:00

back to school...felt so fresh...although i am still very sleepy everyday...but i am happy that i managed to finish my homework everyday[temporary la]...and i understand most of the lessons well....i felt that i am new after the holiday!

today we did something "big"!well its actually not really that "big"...but its really tiring...guess what...we rearrange all the cupboards and things in our room...now it has a new look...its actually quite unbelievable because there were only some of us but we managed to move all the big cupboards and shifted them to another place...again.."unity is strength"!!but actually i did not help much in shifting the cupboards because i am busy with my stocks...now the stocks are arranged nicely...so happy to see that ^.^
{everyone..please dont be too shocked when you see the new arrangements...you did not go into the wrong place}

pj this morning...i dont really like to have pj because i am too lazy to move...the teacher wanted to cancel the pj class but most of us were too excited to play on our own...so the teacher let us play basketball/badminton...i chose badminton although i am not good in it[and thats because my basketball skills are even worse]...at the end...my right forearm get muscle pain..
{something happened after pj lesson which really irritated me...but i am not going to mention it...that person...i will step on her in my dream}

by the way...i dont think i will write an essay anymore...because i got back my homework that my teacher marked a "good" on it...so i decided to hand in it as my work for the competition..hoho~

gotta work hard tomorrow...still busy although no meeting held...

29/8/2009

2009-08-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

its almost the end of the holiday...haiz~should i feel sad or happy?i dont really like schooling because i still have a lot of add maths homeworks who have not finished...hell i start to hate add maths now...i have to admit that my brain is not that smart when come to numbers....so...i think i should find someone's homework and copy...

but on the bright side...its good if the school reopens...its quite boring staying at home doing nothing...[well u wont expect me to do any homework]..i am currently trying to write an essay about "memories"...but its quite difficult because i am trying to make it a story but my imagination are...too weak i guess...so erm....i am just forcing myself to a dead end...

today when i was tidying up my home nursing notes....i accidentally saw a message left by my friend...she is the one who prepared the notes for us and she left a message to motivate us...but actually i did not even see it until today...the funny thing was she mentioned to rub the message after we read it...but now after two months...only i discovered this thing....i think i wont rub it forever....

i came across a movie on friday...i like the movie so much...too bad i cant download it...T.T

24/8/2009

2009-08-24T05:48:00.000-07:00

its holiday now....argh so boring....no meeting because of the H1N1+the CARING school who dont allow us to go back to school....it make me became more and more lazy....

yes! i learnt how to play the rubik's cube le!it suddenly became a trend in my class because some one brought the game into the class and everyone[i mean NOT everyone] start learning it...so i also follow the trend...its not easy actually...and i am still "half a bucket of water" in it....but now i cant meet my "sifu" and "senior" so no one can teach me more...i have to wait till school open only i can master my skills...{but actually rubik's cube is barang larangan...but none of us listen to the prefects haha}

tomorrow my ask me out to kbox....i am excited about it actually...but suddenly 1 of my friend say she cant go because of the H1N1[again..]...and i am upset now....still wondering should i go anot...my sister want me to go because no one will rampas computer with her if i go...but my parents say better dont go because transport problem[not because of H1N1]...aiya dont know ah!!

what should i do now??feeling so boring but dont really want to go out tomorrow because those who i wanted to go out with cant go...haiz..

20/8/2009

2009-08-20T05:48:00.000-07:00

huh~finally i got some time to update my blog....so tired these few days...busy like nothing...thanks to the brilliant school who suddenly organised a "decorating-board competition" where each and every club and societies must finish decorating board by TODAY!! and i was ask to help out at the st john board and prs board and chinese debate board...well at last i stayed at prs board for the longest period...tired cutting and pasting and colouring....only back to home at about 7.00pm....

got back most of the test papers....i was smiling these few days as bad results still havent appear...BUT...my happy mood ruined during maths period....add maths paper=disaster!!! i dont want to rear a donkey in my report card!! well but besides that paper...my results are quite well...just...worse than her a bit lo...

there will be a merdeka sale[something] in our school tomorrow....selling food and {something}....we are in charge of it so we have to be on duty tomorrow...another tired thing again....was not happy because no clear instructions are given....what is happening???dealing what???we are not allowed to know anything before things are settled...and that means before things are settled we are like stupid kids who do not know anything!!

holiday is coming soon....i thought that i will have a colouful holiday this time but...thanks to H1N1...i will stay at home...and i had already figured out what will i do:
1. write a chinese essay [to join a competition]
2. tidy up my things[in my room, cupboards, whatever]
3. STUDY[i meant it!! i am really going to study hard]
{are you asking that whether i studied hard before?the answer is NO}
4. learn something

12/8/2009

2009-08-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

Its 12.30pm now and guess what?i am at home...blogging...haha i had skipped school today to study for my exam tomorrow....but at the end i am sitting in front of my computer....haiz~told you i cant live without it[cry]....

yesterday i went for a duty at a hotel[forget its name] where the "pertandingan mendeklamasi sajak bahasa cina peringkat kebangsaan[so long..]" held...my cousin sister from selangor is also coming for this competition representing her state...and her mother also came...oh gosh...i have not seen them for such a long time...my primary school friend also joined this competition...dont know why suddenly became quite nervous...

attended lesson in the morning as usual...in the afternoon me and wy change into uniform and we head to that hotel in our teacher's car...the hotel is quite nice in my opinion...but its not accurate at all because i am a frog[inside the well]....surprisingly i met another primary school friend which is a "red cresent" member...but we did not interact with each other at all...

the competitors were awesome!!i think their standard must be very high in order to become state champions...but honestly i did not really paid attention...we were sitting behind revising sejarah+chit-chatting....its funny when a lady[not sure whether she is a student or a teacher] passed by and said:"wow so hardworking!"...i just smiled but inside my heart replied:"of course la...exam is coming!"

the duty ended around 6pm...went back school and wait for my mum...the end...

~hope that i can pass my exam with flying colours although its just a test and i did not really study much{praying}~

9/8/2009

2009-08-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

feel free today...dont have to go to school during weekends make me happy...and what made me even more happy was my sister have to go to school but i dont have to...HAHAHAHA~

today is the flag signalling and cooking competition...our team did not take part this year because all of us are too busy and the places are limited...and i dont think we will have the chance to take part next year...form 5 is always a sacrificing year....actually i got the chance to be a steward for this competition...but i gave up the chance because i hate the way i got it...its not that you are great to lend the place to others....its rude for me...its a sign of sympathy and i dont need it!

there is also a health talk held at our school today and we are required to be on duty...i am not interested in that + that is the reason i cant go to flag comp as a supporter....so finally i gave up both events....at last i went to parade...haha thats the best ending...i walked around and spotted a camera...wanted to buy it but my dad say he will buy later...saw books that i like too...but i did not buy...if i really buy all the books i like my house will become a library i guess...then went for lunch...seems like saw a friend from primary school...

oh ya today i received a message from my friend...she say our school is closed from a week because someone in our school was affected by H1N1...and i stupidly believed it!!i called her and asked "Is that true?!" and i got the answer "No"...

August test is coming but i have not study....i am lazy...i wanted to study but i feel sleepy when i opened the books...I DONT WANT TO READ!!!test is not as difficult as exam isnt it?i think the effort i put in is much lesser now...see..now i still online...well i guess i will NOT online for the next whole week....

my uncle and his family came back from America...he invited my whole family to eat tauge ayam yesterday night...my cousin brought her girlfriend along...she is...average?not really very pretty for me....frankly i am not interested in joining the dinner...we dont even have the topic....they spoke in English but my English are all broken yet they dont understand other languages...after dinner we quickily went back home....

have to study le...still havent found the mood =.=

4/8/2009

2009-08-04T05:10:00.000-07:00

i was sick yesterday...damn hate it...went to school as usual...but after 1 period start to feel dizzy...ya i had get used with it...every time also the same[dizzy -> headache -> vomit = must go home and rest]...called my dad and went back home...vomit for 3-4 times....slept till 4pm..

today still feeling not well...but finally i decided to go to school...not going to skip classes for so many times...but there are still some classmates not coming to school/go back early today...seems like everyone is sick...H1N1....a scary thing...

new zealand..hot topic for the month...it is like a dream that is far away but now i managed to grab a small piece of it...still quite unbelievable....but its still not confirm yet...only 6...its quite hard to achieve isnt it?

Ten words i hate the most at this moment:
1)shine 6)settled
2)observe 7)sacrifice
3)update 8)demand
4)suffer 9)struggle
5)fed up 10)responsible
addition : 11)conclude 12)solve

if u were to ask me why,the answer will be:try to listen these words[plus somemore which i had forgotten] from someone almost everyday and you will know what is that feeling...

2/8/2009

2009-08-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

recently almost all my friends around are showing their disatisfactory about their form 4 school life..."oh i hate xxx".."i am so stressed".."i hate exam!".."so many things to do in my society".."homework again?!"...and so on...frankly i enjoyed my form 4 life...i enjoyed being busy with things that i like to do...because i thought that its better to be busy than nothing to do...and i was jealous to those who have a lot to do but they still can manage well...they are great!

but i hate to study...that is not what i like...why are my results good?i am also wondering...
i hate science...and i swear that i will NEVER EVER involve myself in any field related to science...thats i am totally regretted to choose science stream...i thought that i have enough ability to pass through the two years of high school...but now i knew that i cant...the lessons become more difficult yet i am not paying attention at all in class...i dont understand the lesson and how am i going to sit for exam?
i dislike maths...although i can do maths well...and i am happy to solve difficult questions...but i am too lazy to think...and i often need more time to understand the chapters before i can master it...i am slow in that sense...more and more calculations made me frustrated...
and i dont want to study sejarah!!the subject is already so boring[Islam for the whole book?i am not a Muslim!!]..the teacher is even more boring...last time i thought that she is going to leave the school and i cant imagine how happy i am..at last only i got the wrong person and how sad i am :(

but what i hate the most is exam...i can pretend to be hardworking...but all the things will be exposed on the exam paper...i cant afford to get bad results...but i dont know how am i going to get good results...Buddha's leg was not that good to hug....

i was feeling unbalanced....i know that more chance will come if your position is higher..i know that the world is reality...but i just cant stand with it...not fair to give chance to the same person always...and i am angry when they still thought they are unfortunate in fact they always get chances...i hate those who talk secretly in front of many people but not willing to let others knew about it...i hate those who scream around although i always did it...i hate those who like to find excuses when they did wrong..i hate those who like to say:"if you want to say like this..then i will answer you.../then i would like to say that..."[do you think its brilliant to add these word in front?it just shows that you are ACTING smart!!]....well i admit that i am jealous...but i just dont think that they deserve so much...they are not thinking of others feelings...yet they thought that they understand...but we are actually not those people they thought...others hid their feelings well...but i just cant..

i am frustrated now...i dont want to study...and i hate to face those people who thought that they are great but they are not..

30/7/2009

2009-07-30T02:32:00.000-07:00

everyday is so ordinary...yet so extraordinary....many things are happening again and again everyday...but they are still a lot of special things to discover everyday...

today during pj lesson...our teacher wants St John members to demonstrate bandaging....so i went to room and borrow some bandages...something which make me frustrated happened when i was borrowing the things...well dont have to mentioned that...the two person involve in it will NOT change eventhough i had voiced out for so many times...back to my class...not much people are listening to us during lesson but its ok...{when i leave the class today i left the things in my drawer :p have to get it back tomorrow}

my first round of chinese debate competition...well its not a big deal actually...but from the first day i got that stupid title i thought that i will lose....suffered from it for several days...thinking for points until my brain almost burst....today we went out early for lunch but at last i did not eat anything because i was too nervous...i had stomach ache for the whole day[but its quite normal when i was nervous]...and when i saw one of the competitor which i am going to "face" her...suddenly i was so stressed out...but the funniest thing was she didnt even know that i am going to fight with her later....

then we waited in a classroom...my mind was blank...i can think of a lot of separate points before but i cant think of anything at that time...i dont want to talk...and i was frustrated when my teammates asked me things....i took a deep breathe and walked around the classroom looking at others teams....we were the last team to go out so we waited for quite awhile...then we went into the "arena"....they seems like not well-prepared and they are not as deep-thinking as me...now i know i was just confusing myself :( stood up for a few times talking nonsence but my friend said i did quite well...

later we got the result...we make it into semi-final!!wait...does that mean another burdent on my shoulder?T.T our "lawan" is also a form 3 class....wow one of them was so impolite! we should have semangat kesukanan yet she acted to me like "you are my enemy and i wont be nice with you!!"...oh well...just wait and see how i "kill" you!

i thought that i will not have time to go for softball meeting due to the competition...but it ended earlier than what i expected so i quickly changed and went to the field...its actually fun to attend softball meeting except the sun is hot...was scolded by teacher for not bringing cap...then i received the news that we are being steward for the upcoming flag signalling competition...got a bit surprise because i thought that i might not be chosen...

not to record other small things....but so far today is quite a happy day for me...

25/7/2009

2009-07-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

CANTEEN DAY!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!

wake up after sleeping for a few hours only...reached school before 7.00am...went to room then went to class...trying to find something to do but it seems like nobody needs my help :( so i just walked here and there doing some small stuffs...our classroom was decorated so well as i looked really like a haunted house[opinions by visitors]....our class was at a very not strategic where the FAMOUS horror maze was just beside us and it almost blocked the way to our class...another side...it was treasure hunt and haunted house...its going to be a tough day...oh i almost forgot..we have another classroom for mini games...thanks to that brilliant teacher...who suddenly granted us another classroom right after keeping it away from us...

i have some time before on duty at the stalls...so i walked around the school...quite boring walking alone...so i went to help for awhile at the st john stall and our class...the st john stall was selling sweet corns....and when i was on duty for the stall...i faced the corns for two hours!!its tiring to ask them here and sell the things when we knew that the things we sell was not attractive...well lets just skip this part...

then i went back to class for duty...well i was supposed to be inside the classroom but at the end i was at the ticket booth...but i dont mind because i think this job is quite suitable for me...i was wondering that our game was actually targeting for the teenagers...but there were soooooo many primary students who came again and again...there is a boy who came in for more than three times which he say he wants to be a police in the future so he want to train up now...there was even a primary girl who told me that:"this game is fun..you know why?because i cant guess the answer at all.."[=.="'] one of my friends said that after today she is more brave to talk to guys...and i would say..after today i know how to deal with KIDS better....

overall..i played 4S7 fishing game and 5S11 "bowling" game...drink a cup of fruit juice...ate a packet of watermelon...bought sweets[secara TIDAK sukarela]...donated three coupones...and sold 10...its a memorable day..just regret because did not play much...

will our class be peaceful after canteen day?

OMG tomorrow still got angklung performance!!!

OMG OMG next week got debate competition!!!!!!!!

T.T

24/7/2009

2009-07-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

Day before canteen day...{gasp}...everyone is stressed out[maybe]...everything is not well-prepared...for my class+st john...and i dont know what should i do...i was trying to do anything that i can think to help...even some small things...as long as i got do something and it makes me feel better...i was inside the class for the whole morning...and once again i missed my recess time :p at last its almost done...a bedroom and a kitchen inside one classroom...it looks real...and i am happy to see it...

but joyness did not last forever...again there are quarrels in my class...haiz~i dont want to involve myself into it...i just dont understand why are they quarreling...whatever we do...no matter more or less....its for our class...we should not judge their work just by quantity[well...if they really did it..i must be in the last few place]...anyway...everyone have their thoughts....i couldnt do anything to change....haha i also have people whom i hate a lot and dont want to see their faces...so i think its a normal thing for teenagers...

but...on the other hand...i really can do NOTHING to help...i dont know the plannings...they just say "wait..wait"...so i just stop asking and wait for instructions...finally i got one:peeling the corns...i was like-WHAT??and at the end i did not do anything :(

went for duty at the stadium tonight...there was a band competition and our school band was going for presentations....it was my first time to watch the band competition...and it was impressing...we have four stations for duty and i was at the main station where it is a perfect place for me to watch the band performance....there were 7 schools and all of them performed well....and they were really working hard to show off their creativities...but there were moths around which always knock on me...

after all the events...climb onto the bus and went back to school...after reached my house its already 1.00am...wanted to sleep but just too excited for the canteen day...

22/7/2009

2009-07-22T05:13:00.000-07:00

oo i like my class so much...canteen day is around the corner but we still havent finish preparing everything....all of us in class are now putting effort to make it succeed...including me who dont really want to bother about it before...i was proud that me and my friend had made a saw as one of the gadgets all by ourselves!!!we only took about four periods to finish it and it look just like a real one!!we also twisted our brains to think some cases for our detective game...i was happy that i can help..

cant imagine how tired i am these few days..actually i dont have many things to do but i am tired doing things that i dont really know how to handle it...after finishing the civic project presentation i was like - oh, thank God...1 more thing is over...but there are still many things to do!!after going on duty this friday night have the canteen day duty on saturday...and the debate competition next week!![faint]

WOW i like "the climb" so much!!!this song is awesome!!

There's always gonna be another mountain / 总会有下一座山峦
I'm always gonna wanna make it move / 在等我去将它移开
Always gonna be an uphill battle / 总会有下一个山坡
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose / 很可能令我无法越过
Ain't about how fast I get there / 不在于我要用多久才能抵达顶峰
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side / 不在于山那边倒底是怎样的风景
It's the climb / 这就是攀登

19/7/2009

2009-07-19T03:41:00.000-07:00

PRS farewell today...overall its quite ok...i am very glad that we actually did the job not bad...its not my first time to involve in something like this...but its still a big challenge especially when we have nobody to guide us instead we still have to guide other form 3 girls...i was truly impressed by their spirit...they are still willing to stay back and practise although their trial exam is just around the corner...and their performance are quite well...their dancing are good and their sketch is so funny...especially that "johnny boy"...she acted so well[HAHAHAHAHAHA~]...but i did not hear their singing part because i am too busy :p

well..back to our form 4 performance...what i can say was:we are really good...in preparing things at last minute[T.T]..we arrived there at 8am...and busy arranging chairs in the hall...then decorate and finishing the booklet...n at the same time...some girls are "makeup-ing" in the classroom...at last we did not start in time because our beloved president came late...our performance were singing theme song and fashion show...we did NOT practice at all before but we did well...then we even add 1 more performance just at that time...which is singing the chorus part[solo] and dance a bit...haha we are so talented...my partner is siew teng...she is a cute girl...and she looks pretty in her pink dress...

we spent almost 1 hour for sharing...thank a lot and apologised a lot....then it ended...i am glad because the seniors still enjoyed although we are not well-organised...and the form 3 girls are so cooperate...and i am happy becasue i sold two stickers today....

17/7/2009

2009-07-17T01:31:00.000-07:00

ARGH!!!

i am busy dealing with my friend these days....well i was taking part in that chinese debate competition but i had done the stupiest decision ever to let that 'stubborn-head' to join us...i am totally regretted so i told my friend[the one who persuade that 'stubborn-head' to join us] that i dont want to be in a group with her....if she is in, fine and i will leave....i know it sounds rude especially to that kind and peaceful girl[lets call her k]...but i just cant stand with that peson who is so stubborn and impolite....we kept on talking about this just like debating...k tried to influence me to accept that thing...while i told her that other teammates also agreed to make her away...i had even found someone to replace her...finally k told that 'stubborn-head' about the decision...but k was sad because she hurted her and she want to quit the competition to reduce her 'hurt-ness'....

the competition is on next thursday so i asked why dont our team just quit from the competition?since we cant cooperate well just dont join la...then she says no because both of us are actually having expectations in this competition....i dont know what will happen at the end...but our friendship was DEFINITELY affected...maybe later we cant be friends..
lesson:nobody is kind is this world...think more for yourself...or you will loss the most..

finally our canteen day game was settled...thank goodness...its a 'finding weapon game'...a situation was given and players have to figure out what weapon was used to kill that person and find that thing out...sounds easy...but i dont think i have a chance to play it...then have to duty for st john stall also...and i even accepted the "cleanliness mistress" job and...OMG!

my class rep quit her job...she said she want to be herself but not our slave...then a thunderstorm came to our class....assistant 'naik pangkat' became class rep and we have to choose 1 more assistant....we voted once and chose a quiet girl...but the teacher say we will bully her so she dont allow the person to be and suggested another person....we voted again and chose another person who then told the class that she dont want to be the assistant...finally they chose the person with the second highest vote to be assistant...frankly i am not interested in this job...but i am damn mad when somebody nominated me and the teacher said that i cant handle the job because "i am too soft and other classmates will bully me?!"...hello!!i am the one who bully people ok?who is dare to bully me?

this sunday will be the prs farewell party...not well-prepared yet...i watched the performance by the form 3...they perform well[at least better than us la] even though their trial exam is nearby...i dont know wth is going on with us[i mean me]...i am the head of progammers and i am damn useless...cant gather everyone to discuss..cant make a good decision...burdened others...hate myself a lot...

12/7/2009

2009-07-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

i am now sitting in front of my computer...wondering what should i type for my blog...my family went shopping and i am the only one staying at home right now...

yesterday was our first meeting as a committee member....but actually i did not attend the meeting...most of the time i was inside the room with my partner jl...doing what??a serious problem occured...and it became even more serious from day to day...i asked help around...because i dont know what should i do...i am quite sensitive when i came to money...i cant believe that something like this will happen to me...this problem was bothering me all the time....even when i wake up in the morning..this is the first thing came across my mind...

i told my senior about this yesterday morning...waiting for her punishment....but she did not do so...i told her i will try to solve it...she just nodded her head and let me go...later when i found out that i dont have the ability to solve the problem i told her again...again she did not scold me...she said its only my first time and dont be too tension...frankly i was shocked to see her reaction...i thought she will be very angry and ask me to think on my own way to solve it...but at the end she say she will try to help me figure out a way....so touched~

but finally i had find my own way to solve this problem...actually it was a suck plan as the solution but i really cant think of other ways to solve it...have to be careful next time...

9/7/2009

2009-07-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

parents day today...nothing to afraid of...i am always above my parents expectation[well their expectation are not really that high]...but what makes me tired and worried were actually stocks in the room...

appear in school today with the identity of PRS...after chit-chatting for a while there starts my busy day...firstly i went to room with senior and partner to understand more about the stocks...then i helped my friend to distribute the books which are under the responsibility of chinese debate society to some classes....later i rushed to cps hall for registration for prs...and i done jobs for three societies i joined within an hour!

then i waited in front of the car porch to wait for the arrival of representatives from the colleges who joined the education fair...about 40 or maybe more colleges joined this function...my job was to help them to carry things and maybe set up...then i distributed food for them...after finished everything i walked around the hall and look at their counters...felt lazy to stop by and listen to them because its quite boring...

[skip]at about 12.30pm i start working again...clearing up a hall filled with chairs+tables+rubbish is totally not an easy job...energy used up in a fast rate...after an hour sweating i was like exhausted...sure will get muscle pain tomorrow T.T

dont even have time to have my lunch[so hungry now~] and i just rushed to room and sat inside...well its not necessary for me to stay...but the secretaries said many members came to room to buy things but no qm were there so they can do nothing...and that cause me to stay...[haiz~]..waited for my mum to get my sister's report card till about 5pm...but i am truly excited when i sold things and hold the money..HAHAHA~

many things happened when i was inside the room...firstly i found that my duty book was missing!!!after storming around looking for it i found that it was actually inside my bag...[paiseh la~]..then finally i paste my very first notice on the board[to ask the members to try the burray]...and the first aid exam results came out...i passed ^^...sold two sets of uniform...the climax of the day:a mother came in to buy uniform for her daughter...she spoke English so fluently so i just answered her with my half-broken-English...but her daughter failed in the exam so she seems like dont want to buy...i told her that there will be re-exam...then she ask me can she skip the re-exam?[what?!]...i advise her to sit for re-exam as its important to be a qualified st john member in order to stay in the society...she looks...unhappy?...then her mother brought her away...for me..this girl will definitely quit st john in the future as she dont even have a heart for it...

raining heavily now...so cold...

7/7/2009

2009-07-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

recently i am busy catching up my homeworks...and i am totally frustrated with my physics teacher....i had no tuition for physics...and i am sure i am going to die at this subject for the August test...
What he always said:
"to make your life easier.."{yaya...my life is totally easy withOUT you..}
"according to miss wong.."{are you trying to escape from any responsibilities?nothing will go wrong wert?}
and i am totally fed up with his so-called "English language"...

OO..my first time...haha recently all the form 4 st john girls who just became committees were discussing about their "first time greeted by members"....i got mine yesterday...from a form 3 girl[its not good to mention name]...i passed by our st john board and she just walk passed me and greeted me....and i ended it so-not-romantic by asking her not to greet me =.= tomorrow i am going to meet my "old-generation" to learn and take over her job....feeling that myself is still not well-prepared...
{i thought that there will be changes around me after last week...but everything goes on all the same...friends are still friends...nothing changed...}

this thursday...our parents' day...and there will also be an education fair[well not really important for me]...my sister's results are getting better so she was trying to compare her results with mine....but unfortunately i still dont know about it...stay tuned till this thursday...but i am going to help out in the education fair as a PRS....

canteen day?....lame...lose hope for my class...putting hope on st john store...

i heard that we were invited to perform angklung for the "state dinner" something??
.........?

4/7/2009 - Special Day

2009-07-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

First of all...................................
"Happy Birthday to me..Happy Birthday to me..Happy Birthday to wan ning..Happy Birthday to me!!"[yeah...clap...cheer...]

my long-waited birthday had finally arrive...this morning while i was going to school i was wondering what surprise will i get...[haha sounds funny]...after i reach school i just walk near my friends when i suddenly heard them singing the birthday song[in 4 languages]...was shocked at the first moment and after awhile only i realised that they were singing it for me...haha quite touched but did not cry :p .. then they presented me a BIG puppet[although i already stated that i dont want a puppet...but i am happy to receive it] and also a card which many people signed on it....wow its really a big surprise...

agm started officially at about 9am...all form 4 members were nervous...my hands were so cold...after all the speeches i received my service shield~haha it is so nice...later our president announced the committee list 09/10...i am aiming for the post of quarter mistress or so-called store keeper....and i reached this post successfully!!haha i am so happy~they created the 'ceremony' where form 5s will hand in something like the record book, duty book, room key, even gardening tools...just symbolise the hand over...after these some cried...maybe they were happy as they might not expected to hold the post...but mostly were feeling upset as they did not reach their aim...i think i can be considered as lucky...but it sounds like a heavy post and i am scared...

teachers brief us for what should we do...later we had the chance to join the form 5 committee meeting...they taught us something important and so on...i was asking my senior who was also holding the same post about "something" when suddenly all the form 5 committee sang birthday song [again?]...again was shocked and touched~

after today i will be busy...need some times to get use with my duties...not only in st john but also in other societies[IF i manage to be one of the ajks]....canteen day[not only for my class...now our st john is also involving in it]....farewells...annual camp...debate competition and now also wondering should i join flag signalling competition or not...got so many things to do...OMG i am going to kl tomorrow to support the cheerleaders!!left out one more sunday~

overall...today is a special day...a memorable day...a happy day...sunshine everywhere...thanks to everyone who wish me happy birthday in school...through internet and sms...i appreciate it a lot....

3/7/2009

2009-07-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

feeling 'blank' these days..so did not update my blog...

our class is like 'huru-hara' recently...our canteen day game was bent again and again...think for another game?or continue our game stubbornly?this question became a hot topic in our class...but now they are thinking about some "theme park" thing...haiz i also dont know la...just let them decide la...as long as they dont ask me to act at cosplayers[or whatever] is ok for me...

was also wondering should i take part in the chinese debate competition...after this week i might be very busy...i nearly cant catch up my studies now...preparing for many farewell parties and a lot more....but finally i registered for the competition...i took part in it since i was in form 1...and my "long-live teammate" persuade me for many times...so i just join...[but i dont know whether i will regret or not]...haha actually there are two person rampas-ing me but at the end i just joined one of them...

i am going to support our school cheerleaders[titans and ember] in their competition this sunday...my parents dont allow me to go in the beginning because the flu is very serious in kl now...but at the end i am still going because cant cancel the name already...my mum say i have to be careful lo...if quarentine then very boring bla bla...haha i got two big mask which i took back from singapore...can use it now lo~

hurt my right thumb yesterday~T.T it swell and bruise now...luckily i remember to put ice on the bruising part so it is better now...thanks to the st john info lo...but painful when i was writing...

tomorrow is the big-big day[my birthday and st john agm]...i sensed that my friends were preparing surprises for me...but i am not sure...who knows?things that you imagine might not come true...but i am really surprise when many people wish me happy birthday in school and from facebook...haha syok lah~

waiting for tomorrow~

30/6/2009

2009-06-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

its a sunny day outside~how about inside??

today is the agm for chinese debate club...i am not putting any expectation on it....because it was chosen by the members and i think they are not really familiar with me...this is the reality...[same as what i did when i was in lower forms:i only vote for those people i know...those i dont know..sorry~]...tomorrow will be the agm for prs and i think same situation will occur...haiz i am so lack of confidence...i am putting all of my expectations on the st john agm held on this saturday....but i really dont think i can climb that high...if i really fell down...i might just run home and cry....

again facing problems with the canteen day game....really dont understand the school's policy...they say our game is similar with treasure hunt[but its actually not!!] and there are already classes doing it...they say we cant make the room dark because they only allow two classes to make it dark and the chances have to save for the ghost house...they say the want it to be fast and not adventurous.....they say they dont want creepy things...they say this and that...why dont they just ask us not to do anything???!!!our class teacher was also not standing at our sides and kept on agree with the teacher-in-charge....argh!everyone is unhappy...

Michael Jackson died...yesterday when i was back in school everyone was talking about him...sounds funny...he was not really that famous among teenagers but now he is like suddenly popped out and became a hot topic....frankly i dont really like this fellow...but now i feel pity for him...he owed people a lot of money...he was stressed out for his entire life...he still have three children left behind...everyone is using him to make money although he is dead...how poor~

i promised my friend that i wont get angry easily anymore...even i am in bad mood i will try to relieve as fast as possible...but now i found out that i just cant...i am not angry...i am...[something like dissapointed]...i dont want to lose them...but i think i am just not fit with them....realistic+leadership+brilliant+socialise+selfloving+selfish=not me....and i am alone now...

Michael Jackson has a song entitled "you are not alone"...not suitable for me right now....
inside is raining now...confirmed...

28/6/2009

2009-06-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

went to hq for st john day and first aid exam...

it was like...[i dont know how to describe]...i was forced to wake up before six and arrive there by seven...at the end i stand outside the hall for two hours waiting them to arrange our place and only entered the hall at about 10am....not to mention that our places are not even arranged that systematic....and i am sad when i was told that we wont receive the service shield because of some so called problems....my duty book~cant get it back also....

saw some members which are same group with me during nco cadet camp...but i am not dare to speak to them...why?i really dont know...had not contact with them for a long time although i still remember them....its weird...we used to be a group for a few days but now we cant even say "hi" to each other although they walked pass me...also saw the camp commander for the camp...he was the judge for the cpr+choking session....and he accidentally stepped on my friend's glasses and broke it!![luckily he did not stepped on mine :p]

next...our first aid exam...waiting seems to become a tradition...waited awhile for the written test...its not that difficult...most of the questions exist in the first aid manual which i had never finish reading it before[except for this time]....now i knew why i dont know those info which others know...i never study ma! after that waited for almost an hour[or maybe even more] finally we entered the hall for the practical exams...i dont have any confident in transport session because i really did not do well....carry chair method is my biggest weakness as i have to carry more than just a person...besides this i think i did quite well in other sessions....well but always expect the unexcpected....how do i know whether i will pass or fail?accidents happen at any time...

my birthday is coming...its coming so fast...dont know why i had a strange feeling again...my sixth sense told me that i am going to be very unhappy on my birthday...well one of the reason is because agm is held exactly on my birthdate...another reason is i just decided to stay further away...and this wont make me happy....[some things happened today and make me uncomfortable....people around are talking about this and that...not helping at all but worsen the situation....i think if i continue to stick with them around i will be crazy! ]

you know??they are telling me that they are going to bring me to sing k on that day as a "celebration" but actually they just want to sing themselves!!!and i totally dislike it...i told them that i want an "object" as present but not only "memories".....but the truth is...............{it will be a secret forever}

23/6/2009 - Singapore Trip

2009-06-24T02:30:00.000-07:00

19/6-22/6 : finally we travelled to singapore....like what others said...its truly a long journey..we depart at about 3pm at the medan gopeng bus station and arrive at kl in the evening[about 6pm i think]...then walked for a long road + taking a LRT to the train station...had McDonald as dinner and leave for singapore at 9.45pm by train..arrive in the next morning...

i had never travel to other country before!!!and it was also my first time travelling in a train!!!just imagine how excited was i...[sounds like katak di bawah temperung]...we have a bed per person on the train for us to sleep...i wanted to sleep but because i am busy chattering around and finally i slept in the midnight but i will wake up every few hours...the train was shaking a lot but its fun walking around at that moment...

after the first step on the land of singapore...i was so...surprised?..i was on a foreign country!!!we then went to the st john headquarter of singapore...how big and nice~we had a delicious lunch there and also..we met the competitors from singapore..they are friendly and took us visit around the place..not forgetting to snap photos around..

after that we went to Marina Barrage for a tour...that place is like..wow!so fantastic!we snap a lot of photos there although the sun was hot and everyone is sweating...but we are all having fun there...there's something funny happened:there is a space there which will spilt water out at a time intervals..so the ambulance team from Johor put their heads together above a hole and when the water spilt out..they are like washing their head!everyone laughed when they saw this scene...then we visit the gallery at the upstairs...it's so beautiful and unique inside...we snap a lot of photos there..it would be a nice place to visit if you travel to singapore[help to promote a bit la~]

then we proceed to Xinmin secondary school[haha the school have the same name with my sister!] where the competition held...its so big~just never ever try to compare it with my school +.+..the hall is big and equiped with air-conds...each classes have six fans...and there are even lifts for staffs!!the most shocked part came when we saw a piano at the canteen...i saw an equation on the board..[x=q , xinmin=quality]..ya its indeed a high quality school...

later we had lunch at Furama Riverfront Hotel which is actually an Indonesian Restaurant...enjoyed the food there and ate a lot until i was full[its actually more than full]...surprisingly i saw two angklungs hanging aside!!then we checked in at Royal Hotel...its so..grand?...our room is a little bit bigger than others room although 5 of us have to packed into the room...but of course our senior's room are bigger as they are getting oku room :p...competitors are different la they got a room for two...we stayed inside the room and helping the competitors to iron their uniforms and polish their shoes...the team managers which are suppose do do these then came into our room and playing around which at last make me feel very frustrated..i ironed all the uniforms but at last he said we have iron it wrongly...which make me feel very upset and cried...we also practised for our angklung performance near the swimming pool and successfully attracted a lot of attentions...

competitors are having dinner at the hotel we stayed while us as the supporters have to find our own food..luckily our state commander[i think] belanja us to eat steamboat so we dont have to spend our money...but we have to finish all the food until again my stomach is more than just full...then went for a walk at a shopping complex...our team decided to buy something to the na team according to our numbers...and after scratching head for a long time i bought a pair of keychains...1 for cy and 1 for me...its a pair of fork and spoon...after go back to the hotel we kept on chit-chatting until 2am...only slept for 3 hours...

the next day is the competition day...after the morning call we woke up and prepare..had breakfast in the hotel...not having much appetite so i only ate cornflakes+milk and a glass of orange juice...they also took our temperature...luckily mine was still in normal range...after that we went to xinmin school...after the opening ceremony and speeches...i found a place at the nursing short case area and sat there...my plan was to watch all the nursing team do first aid because its quite boring to watch home nursing :p we separated our job where some watch fa while some watch hn...the singapore teams did quite well especially the nc team..they are so calm and systematic...and their treatments are well...our na team also did very well..but unfortunately the recorder was out of batteries so we did not record it :(

the results were announced right after the competition...singapore won all the nursing champion while malaysia won all for ambulance category[johor really geng]...its quite sad that actually our na team just lost by 1 mark...but we still managed to learn a lot although we did not make it...back to the hotel we practised our angklung again...we still have to perform a good show...after that we prepared ourselves and head to another royal hotel for the banquet dinner[again a full meal]...after eating we went out to perform...i was like trembling and i did not even raise my head to watch the conductor but just looking at the notes...our performance went on smoothly with some minor mistakes...after us its Johor's turn...their sketch is like..simple story?..two gangs fight in the toilet...then tercetus a fight and someone dead so they decided to combined their gangs and name it "xxx shaolin xxx"[because all the competitors are botak :D]singapore's performance are even simple...dancing...on the way back to the hotel we have a chance to sing our school song...wilayah and johor also sang their songs...everyone was excited...

back to the hotel...the na team went shopping with teachers while we stayed in the hotel..they are playing cards in our room while me and sh then rushed for our karangan...wt slept early again...i was the latest who sleep...i wanted to stay awake but at last i just cannot tahan and slept at 3am...

wake up at 5.30am...after breakfast we head to the railway station for our journey back...i only slept for awhile in the train because i have to finish my karangan and i done it successfully...then all the form 4 girls were called to the canteen for a conversation...we were like "forced" to voice out some quite sensitive issues for me which make me feel very uncomfortable and stressed...especially when i was the first one who get asked first...arrive at kl sentral at 3.30pm..had our lunch+dinner there...just walk around and did not buy anything...but i played the mouthof true and get quite an accurate result...at 5.30pm we went on another train and travel back...i tried to sleep but just cant because they are playing cards there again..and the train is very cold until i shivered..reach ipoh at 9pm and home at 9.30pm...slept at 10pm..

that is the end...if i left out something please inform me so that i can update...

24/6/2009

2009-06-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

finally i broke my record today!!!i fell asleep in my class!!!![nothing to be excited =.=]

during the chemistry period...my energy finally reach the end...the person sitting next to me went for chinese orchestra practice so i was alone there...the teacher is talking about chemical bond which is definitely not my taste...so i closed my eyes and just listen to her...my mind is flowing with a lot of things so i did not even know that i fell asleep until i suddenly opened my eyes and looked at my hands...{omg..saliva?!}..at that moment my class was laughing crazily..but i am pretty sure they are not laughing at me...so later i ask my class rep what happened...she told me that the whole class including the teacher knew that i was sleeping but she did not wake me up..and at the same time sh was also sleeping...but she did not totally fell asleep but just kept on fishing...so the class was actually laughing at her actually...[no wonder my friend ask me: "is st john so tiring?why every st john member also sleeping de?]

today is the "long-waited" assembly...everyone is like preparing to act...we shift into the hall as outside was raining...and we had the chance to stand on the stage and sing our st john theme song "berkhidmat bagi manusia"...but still the teacher dont want to let us go and kept giving signal for us to sing louder...after the speeches and prize giving...the principal praised us for acting good and asked us to continue acting for the rest or the day ;p

taday was shocked by another event...i have a friend which have a lot of so-called problems and always ask me to give her advises[but actually i dont have a chance to do so]...she has a friend which seems having bigger problems than her..we met a few times but i dont know what is her name...but suddenly today she[my friend's friend] came and find me and say:"can i look for a prs(pembimbing rakan sebaya)?" all of the sudden..i was shocked and forgotten that i am also a prs so i called another prs to approach her...she then just said something unimportant and say will come back to her next time...i think she is actually trying to find me for help but i just "accidentally" pushed her away...feeling odd now :( maybe i should try to find and try my best to help her next time...but i have a strange feeling that i might not able to handle her...

then finally our class settled the duties for everyone...i am having my duty at the counters for both shifts..well its an important job[according to those who in-charge la..] but feeling a bit...regret maybe...for giving up the chance to act as ghost or what....well actually our game sounds very fun after having a few changes...and the teacher in-charge like our game very much...so i do hope our game will be successful...if got chance do come to 4S8 and try out our game : D'mysterio [~]

23/6/2009

2009-06-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

hate to start my blog with this sentence again...but i am truly VERY TIRED...

back in ipoh at about 9pm and slept at 10pm...after sleeping for not more than 8 hours have to wake up again for school...although our pk hem gave us permission to go to school later but at the end i did not do that[no transport la~]....i yawned a lot in class but had no chance to sleep because i am actually having all science and maths period today + i have a lot of homework to catch up...then stay till 5pm for room duty but surprisingly i did not fell asleep in school...[cheers]

had a rehearsal for tomorrow's assembly...tomorrow there will be "people" coming and record our school...i dont know what is that but it sounds+seems like a big thing....we are also having the st john day celebration tomorrow so all of the members are required to stand in front...the teacher were yelling at us : "SING LOUDER!!CANT HEAR YOU!!!" when we were singing the patriotic songs...hate it...my charged energies used up in no time and i was so sleepy at that time...

nothing much happened in school...most of the times were spent at flying homeworks and chatting about experiences at singapore...will talk about it at the next post..

18/6/2009

2009-06-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

today our class got scolded by our class teacher...she say many teacher complained to her that our class is noisy...well if you want statistics:our class already got three green slips within two months...and nearly got one more yesterday[luckily our teacher came into class just in time]...

i was not satisfied!!our class was not that noisy...my class is even noisier last year...and classes next to us are also noisy as well...why was our class the only class who get this "rewards"?one of the teacher[i think she is the class teacher for the class next to us] was always complaining about our class...she came and warn us...scolded us..anything...but her class is also noisy when she is not around!!!i am just feeling that its not fair...

went for body check today...they only took our temperature, ask whether we got allergies, and nothing much...going to singapore tomorrow...but feel strange...its so not true...seems like it was something far from us yet we are heading to it tomorrow...pressure are still around...

domt know what to say le...oh i got my canteen day coupone...i surely cant finish selling it....have to ask help/swallow it myself...well our canteen day is on 25/7...not really having much interest...will be testing game tomorrow...dont know what will happen...

17/6/2009

2009-06-17T02:23:00.001-07:00

feeling very sleepy today....after a lot of last minute work finally we finish our nie projek....i was thinking about sleeping when suddenly our beloved English teacher came into class and asked us to write an essay about donating organ to save life and hand in by friday!!and she didn't forget to add:"got marks for peringkat kebangsaan tau?"-_-''' i rather dont get the marks if that essay have to be hand in this friday....i am so sleepy~i cant even open my eyes...i thought that i can have a better rest today but now here comes an ENGLISH essay which can kill me in anytime....i am becoming a panda now...T.T

going for body check tomorrow...because we are going to singapore and it is one of the procedures[i think]....received some medicine today...have to finish them before going[can prevent flu wo~]...the H1N1 is very serious in singapore now....bot a little bit scared...i think i will just stay at home one week and dont go to school~[haha impossible la]...have not packed anything yet and thats why i hate that essay which came at an incorrect timing....

attended meeting today...have to perform a sketch which talk about "a couple quarreled in the park and two person who passed by and give advises"...i acted as the girlfriend...before it starts we are quite nervous because we have not discussed much...my "boyfriend" is a form 3 girl which is quite shy and i had a hard time to persuade her to act...i told her dont worry i am beside you....but when we went out and perform....i totally forgotten the story that i told her and i start to act freely....she was shocked and dont know how to react...well i was also afraid then i start to talk something to let her continue...then she suddenly came into condition and performed well!!this time is my turn to feel shocked and dont know how to react so i pretended crying....when everything was ended...realy feel relax...and happy~^^

canteen day...seems like something is happening and i dont know what is going on...i heard what they say was:some wanted to change the game because it is difficult and they have produced a bad film[something like that]...but some dont want to change and want to keep the game but just change a bit....they are going to test game this week and they havent decide what game should they test...the situation is complicated and they dont want to teel others...haiz dont know what are they thinking....

now i am trying to look for some informations from the net for the essay but i dont think i managed to do so because my eyes are tired...luckily today dont have other homeworks...going to sleep early today..

15/6/2009

2009-06-15T03:11:00.000-07:00

back to school afetr holiday...holiday finally ended and i still have to face a lot of problems due to my lazy-ness for the whole holiday...right now i am still working hard on my nie project[haha now curi tulang-ing to type blog]...have to hand in the COMPLETED project this wednesday...is that muddering??and the civic project...the teacher seems like forgotten what she said before holiday..she even told me that we have to hand in the project before 31th AUGUST...=.="..but still we have to finish it...well the bad news is printer has no more ink already but now my father had went out to buy...

school life = sleepy...i dont have enough sleep for the past few days because i have to wake up early + finish my homework...used my brain too much...later have to use it again to squeeze out an article for nie[ooh!stop talking about that!]...anyway i feel happy today...i cut my hair during holiday and today some of my friends said i look more pretty ^.^~but tomorrow i am going to tie my hair...well..have not done anything like this[tying hair] for the past 10 years[competition was not counted in]...just wait for their reactions tomorrow...

today i got back my trophies during the assembly...the principal is really happy[i thought she just say only]...she smiled a lot and she even praised the team for doing a good job...and as what she promised...she really made a banner for us!!with a not-really-so-extremely ugly photo..no i am not talking about the photo but i am talking about me...i look so ugly~but after getting back the trophies...this year's nc team had really reached the end...so gambateh na team!!bring our spirit and continue your journey!!

finally...have to back to my nie project now...haiz~

12/6/2009

2009-06-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

dont know why...these days i felt soooo lazy...not having the feeling to update my blog...

went to school today and yesterday...st john meeting...is this my first meeting for this year??it seems like i did not attend meeting for a long time already....quite miss that time when all of the members sitting together in a circle listening to the commitees teaching [sambil chit-chat behind secretly].....but actually yesterday meeting got a little bit...boring?..dont know why...

today....did not attend meeting again :P...went for angklung practise lah~i still remember when i was in form 1 our st john used to have a angklung team and i was one of the members...we even performed during the sinmal camp[but that was not a good memory]...but then it did not continue because lack of time for practise...now we hold these things back again...for our performance during the competition held in singapore...wow it seems like more difficult than what i remember...because we have less people so most of us have to hold two keys....and i am now holding two base key[G which is the biggest and E which is the no.{2-6}biggest]!!they are much more bigger than the "melody"[i think this is what they called]...quite tiring after 'shaking' them a lot...my fingers become red and bruising!!T.T
{info:angklung is a type of Malays musical instrument which is made by bamboos}

tomorrow got hari panji panji...need to stand for 3 hours...first reaction:OMG?!...feelings right now:haiz~also dont know what happen...we can at least march around for the past few years...now standing only??i heard sultan is coming...[. . . .-_-''']after that got angklung practise again...not much time lo next week going to singapore leh...[yes i finally got chance to go to singapore!!!my whole family went to singapore before even my sister went before except me!!although i cant go as competitors.....]

still haven finish homework....feel heartdying now...i dont want to start school....no i want to start school but i dont want to hand in the homeworks!!!

7/6/2009

2009-06-06T20:47:00.001-07:00

once again..i online without any reason....haiz~how am i going to face my uncompleted-homework at the end of the holiday???!!!!

i had wasted this holiday...i slept till 10am in the morning everyday...after i wake up i sat on the sofa watching at the tv programmes which are not interesting at all...after awhile...maybe will online[just like what i am doing now]..then go and sleep again after lunch...then bath...dinner..tv..sleep... CAN SOMEBODY RESCUE ME FROM THIS SITUATION???

5/6/2009

2009-06-05T05:03:00.000-07:00

this holiday is so boring....since the day we came back from kl i have nothing to do...homework??last day of the holiday maybe...isn't there anything else for me to do except for homework??

went back to school today...omg i dont want to remember what happened there anymore...i had wasted my time waiting there and did nothing...i feel like dont want to listen to what they were gossiping about...just hope to hide aside and sleep[thats what i did when i was bored]...i sneaked out and walk around the school..hoping for a moment of silence[haha sounds boring]....but there were so many people in school....so i went back and continue to feel boring....

but there are also something interested...when we finally know our scores in national...frankly i think we did not really did that bad...we lost by four marks[only?]..so we were the second place in nc..forgot our total score...i think is 25x% something....our marks in footdrill is not really bad too..we were at the rank 5 or 6...6x% in fa and 13x% in hn....we really did quite a good job!but whats the use for getting these marks[its slightly better than na a little bit] but we cant win??!!

later when parade...did not shop at all...straight away we went to kbox to sing k...we are all like kampung girl went to big city...[=.=]we sang till sorethroat but its damn fun!!but too bad sh and ct need to go back early...then me and wt went for haircut...we went to a shop where no customers were inside...so its quite fast...but my hair seems like same as before...dont know leh...have to show in front of other people only can know the result..

conclusion:have fun today...but remembered about the homeworks which i have not finish T.T

1/6/2009

2009-06-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

i am back from kl yesterday...well actually i only reached home today...at about 0015 in the morning...[:p]and i slept for almost 10 hours...

we lose..our team lose...however na team won the overall champion and they finally reached the international level...they managed to go to Singapore!!congratulations to them..[i heard that our principal was soooooo happy that she even wanted to do a banner for them..=.=]

it was a really tough journey..for all of us..competitors, trainers, teachers, seniors, supporters... we faced a lot of problems before reaching this level...the day before competition..we were supposed to stay in school overnight..our team already brought our luagauges to school when suddenly....because of some reasons again...we cant stay in school and have to go back home and come to school again the next day at about 2am...[sweat]but finally we went to our leader's home to stay overnight...all of us act crazy in her house...only slept for about 2-3 hours...

the next day after reached school i found a bad news again...i accidentally brought my sister's back shoe to school...[caution!!! is black SHOE!!!not black SHOES!!that means i brought 1 of my shoes and 1 of my sister's shoes]...i nearly cried when i found out the truth...this event ended when i called the helpers to bring one more pair of shoes for me...later...[black out!]the electical supply went off and we were surrounded by darkness..with the torchlights we arranged all the things we need outside...oh and suddenly it rained..what makes thing worse was...i accidentally [again?] broke the na first aid kit....T.T[it was fixed later]
{i am so stupid and clumsy :(}

reached PULAPOL at...8.30am i think....after arranging the luaguages in our hostel...we went for the taklimat...[heartbreaking]i did not get the booklet [:(]and what who make everyone shock was...the name of competitors from PERAK was NOT printed in the booklet!!after taklimat we changed into full-u..guess what?the SM want all of the competitors to march wherever we want to go!!well its actually not a big problem BUT the area in PULAPOL is so big and we have to go up the hill and down etc...and most of the time we were wearing full-u and the sun was so hot...i can feel that the gel on my hair was melting[yucks!]...the written test supposed to start at 11am something but after waiting it started at 12.xx noon...then there starts the opening ceremony...wow the SM was so .... that he wanted the no.1s and no.5s to march a lot during the rehearsal...luckily i am not 1 of those...after the opening ceremony there comes the uniform checking and footdrill test...our team was the last team among the 12 teams in our category[NCL aka nitrogen chloride aka nitrochloric]....waited for a long time before our turn...

at about 9 something i think we attended the malam suai kenal...actually no one of us wanted to attend..the venue was at the badminton court with no fans at all...there those 'pihak berkenaan' apologised to us from Perak for not printing our names because of some technical problem...but actually its quite boring...some competitors from other states were called out for self-introduction...we just hid ourselves behind and chit-chat...after awhile our supporters went back..so as those from other schools and both ac and aa team from our state and our na no.1[she wants to bath]...there left 9 of us...we wanted to escape but failed..when suddenly the MC asked 'representatives from Perak' to come out and play a boring game[blowing balloons until it burst]...just imagine "9 girls from Perak vs 10 guys+girls from other states"[and two of us dont even know how to blow a balloon!!]...finally we were the last place...but we still receive a price[dont know why?maybe its because of our spirit?]..its something called A4 paper...but dont know why i feel warm...[;p]

the next day i woke up at 4.xxam[i was the last to wake up in my team]...after changed into full-u and tied our hair...we went for breakfast...[oh i almost forgot!!the food!!its...OMG i dont know how to describe...but its definitely not my taste...there are even COCKROACH on the table!!]then we went to the waiting room before going for first aid and home nursing....we were boring and tired while waiting...then something funny happened..because before that the ac and aa team seems like dont want to come near to us(na and nc team)..even when we are required to march together they also seems like...rejecting?..so we said that we must be having the H1N1 so that they dont dare to come near to us...then when we were in the waiting room we were so bored...so we asked the ac team:"is our team having H1N1?"...that ac no.1..he nodded his head!!!=.=

dont want to comment much on our first aid and home nursing case...but this competition was so professional that they really find an old woman and a man to act as casualty!!i appeared blur during hn but i think i did what i should do during fa :)

finally there comes the closing ceremony...after the boring talks it was the prize giving ceremony...our team only got fa no.3 and hn no.2...quite disappointed...we knew we wont get the overall champion because wp did better than us..so finally we lose[T.T]..na won fa no.1 and footdrill no.2..and the overall champion...we cried a lot when the result was announced...thanks for everyone who helped and supported us...

we planned to stay till the next day but the final decision was to go back that night...so tired now...but i really gained a lot through this competition...now we are free from trainings [^.^v] and can concentrate on studies[just saying la!i will continue lazy 1]...supposed to go and sing k to celebrate but because all of us were tired so we postponed the plan..

{OMG i still have so many homeworks!!cant rest la~T.T}

27/5/2009

2009-05-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

discussing about the canteen day in my class today...actually our class was planning to make something like 'detective game'...?[and i heard we haven really get that ccc's agree...not sure]..those 'OC's ['she' is the chairperson..:(]have arranged our duty shifts...most of the classmates disagree with the result and kept on asking for changes...there are even people who said they are going to boycott the canteen day and wont attend on that day...OMG they are so childish!!!i was sitting there busy copying the things on the blackboard while listening to those people arguing around....and beside me there were two person who sat at my both sides and telling me about various problems they are facing...well i am actually not the 'main person' who in charge...i am just a small member in the "equipment section"...but i want to know more...as what they have said...most of the students in my class were not interested to involve...but i think this is due to lack of planning and a little bit stubborn and emotional...but i am sure our class can overcome it..[maybe]

i dont think i am a good counselor...i dont know what should i do to comfort them when they told me their problems...i hope to say something that can make them feel better...but i just cant manage to do so...well actually what they are facing are same as most teenagers will face[i think]...and me myself had been through those situations..thought that myself was so pity...nobody cares for me...i have no friends etc...i tried to do something but failed...maybe what i gained will be hatred from them...no idea..=.=

still have 3 days...there comes our big day...will depart from school early in the morning this saturday and come back only on monday..yaya we can stay there for one more day because of some reasons...i am hoping for good results...hope that everyone from the state will give us morale support ^.^...but i cant promise anything...well...we plan it but God decide it..:p....but actually got a little bit worry because the AH1N1 thing was spreading in our country...just heard the news...there is a case in Singapore now...[scared]

wont online for these few days...please wait till i come back...hope that i can bring back a good news..;)

25/5/2009

2009-05-25T00:22:00.001-07:00

the weather is so hot today...my hair is growing longer and longer making my neck sweats a lot...and the incredible sunshine is making my mood not good...again..i am suffering from frustrated...

i hate non-systematic plannings...but actually i am also one of those...everything is incomplete...my 's' nie article..my 's' civic project..my 'i' homework..my 's' research...that 'f' competition..is breaking me into so many pieces...and i hate people bothering me when my mood is not good...by asking me to do other things when i am rushing from the third floor with my hand holding books and a big pack of uniform and a pair of aching feet and still wondering that where should i go....argh!!!

ok i really did something bad today...i am keeping on thinking that what was happening to me today...its all my fault ok?i am soooooo sorry....becoming mad is because nobody cares for me...i am feeling lonely sometimes[i mean all the times]...there was a book who mentioned that cancers can easily change their emotions[like suddenly happy suddenly sad....] and this is because they are always feeling afraid and lonely..so they will change their emotions fast to cover those feelings...i am not that hard to predict...i am just hoping for someone who stay beside me...not just SAYING that 'i will be there for you' but doing nothing to prove it...dont make promises that you cant do...it hurts even more....

well..i am not a good person...thanks for always forgiving me...

dont know what happened to me...just kept on talking nonsences...

23/5/2009

2009-05-23T03:48:00.001-07:00

i want to make everything short and simple...i dont have much time...

i am very tired now...after staying in the school for almost 12 hours...for a 'not non-stop but totally-tiring training'....now i am suffering from foot-pain after stepping a lot on the volleyball court during footdrill practice...physics told us that by increasing time impact between two objects(my foot and the ground) the impulsive force will decrease...but my foot stayed on the ground after stepping...why is it still so painful?[T.T]...also suffering from 'almost vomit' during footdrill because trained right after having lunch....besides that we also did other trainings but actually i think we did not do much eventhough we were all exhausted...

on thursday...i hurted my finger when i was opening the stretcher[because of busybody loh!i will 'never' open the stretcher again!]...the case was still on so i cant stop...i managed to sneak to the sink and wash the wound with water...but it still bleeds a lot...its funny when i was required to bandage the casualty with a "burnt palm" when actually i am the one who was bleeding...it still haven recover till today..

midyear exam is killing everyone now...so i dont want to talk about it too much until i get my report card...i am now aiming for the highest mark in my form for the chinese literature subject[and i did it for this semester]...but frankly...i am not satisfied with myself in this exam because at this moment...I AM LOSING TO HER...

oh i can talk about my biology...i got a B3...thanks to my kind teacher;p... [but she got A1 :(]

20/5/2009

2009-05-20T03:43:00.000-07:00

feeling very not good today...

got back bc paper today...1 good news and 1 bad news...G:i got the highest mark in my paper 1 which contains two essays among three classes which my teacher checked..and i got the grade 'A' in the essay which cost 70%..WOW!i was so surprise when the teacher announced this...i had been worrying about this paper for quite a long time but now the result comfort all of my worries...but WAIT! there is a bad news!!after adding marks in paper 1 & 2 and divided by two...surprisingly i got 79% ONLY!!!!i asked the teacher to add just 1 more mark for me but she refused to do that..she said:"nevermind lah! you are still in form 4. A2 is also very good."but for me it is not enough!!especially when it is so close to you but you failed to reach it...tears start rolling in my eyes...the feelings are even worse than that time when i got my first C...
{for a person with high expectations, A2 is not enough} i said this as the conclusion for why am i still not satisfied when my results are not truely bad...agreed by my leader...

but after school...i found out that getting bad results is actually nothing compared to other bigger problems...well i think my school is a strawberry>>which looks nice but can rotten easily...because of some problems we NEARLY cannot go to kl...i did not know before..that we are actually facing a lot of problems...i dont know what should i do to help...feeling myself quite useless....well the problems were settled finally....but we now cannot stay there for one more day but we have to rush back right after the competition...we cannot blame anything...and i know nobody of us will blame...we owed other people too much...what we can do is just to WIN!!!its different meaning now...

conclusion: feeling very not good today...

19/5/2009

2009-05-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

what i discovered today was : whatever happened in your life can always give you a lesson...

today i got back my add maths paper...[electric shock]...well it was in my expectation....but it was still very unbelievable...i used to get quite a good result in my march test!!now...haiz~
lesson no.1:do not think that you are good just because you used to be quite good before.

then the teacher started to discuss the questions in the paper..i found out that i did a lot of careless mistakes[such as forgot to square both sides but only squared one side, wrote positive and negative sign wrongly, copied questions wrongly, and so on]i think i had thrown a few marks there...its not a lot..but damn hurting!!
lesson no.2:do not be careless.

then i calculated the marks i scored in that paper...actually i was just trying to find some mistakes which teacher made so that i can get 1 or 2 marks...surprisingly...i found out that the teacher counted my marks wrongly!!!i should get 5 more marks!!!and that means i can climb up from C5 to B4!![but actually its still not enough for me]
lesson no.3:always believe in miracles.

when i go and find the teacher to "want" back my 5 marks..one of my friend who get 80 marks said she found that the teacher maybe marked her paper wrongly...and maybe she will get a 79 if it was true...but then teacher said because she drawn a graph and she knows what she meant so she gave her the mark..my friend say she will feel guilty if she did not voice out but she is now so happy as her marks remained!!
lesson no.4:being honest is not a bad thing...and always remember to draw a graph/diagram in your maths paper!

the next paper i got back was the BIOLOGY which i gave up[sigh]...again due to a lot of stupid careless mistakes again i got an embarassing mark...i haven get back the essay paper yet because teacher say still got things haven settle...but i can never get an A1 in this paper even i scored a full marks there...just hoping for B4...the teacher was truely unsatisfied with our results..she even asked those who get low marks write a message to her and explain the reason for getting such marks..she was very angry that she did not smile at all eventhough she is quite a funny and playful teacher...
lesson no.5:you should know when is the time for you to play and be serious.

oh and i had also got back my physics paper which i did not worry at all before...feelings...its something like dropping from the heaven to the hell[crying]...and what i can say about that was:lucky because did not get C....{teacher, you know why were our results worrying?because your teaching is worrying.}
lesson no.6:be independent.

the last period was bm but the teacher did not distribute the papers..she say she wanted to settle our lisan...due to my surname i am in the last group for the lisan and again...need to wait until the next period as there is not enough time..again..its actually because of poor planning of our teacher and lack of cooperation in my class...i supposed to finish my lisan before midyear exam!!and i had already memorise my part before exam[but forgootten already now]..now what?wait loh!!
lesson no.7:give your child a nickname..or avoid marrying people with their surnames starts with w, x, y or z.

you see?we can get a lot of lessons if we discover it carefully..but only God will know whether you can remember it or not..that is why so many people slipped and fell at the same spot although they have had a lesson before..

[my results??God bless me..]